You know, I thought 2006 was a supremely meh year for movies, but 2007 managed to top its predecessor. Finding truly memorable films or moments was tough. Nonetheless, let’s reflect...

• Death at a Funeral—a brilliant British farce that’s wonderfully over-the-top from start to finish
Hot Fuzz—another fantastic British comedy that made me giddy
• Into the Wild—yes, it’s long and slow, but director Sean Penn crafts a beautifully poetic tale
• Juno—I loved this one before ANYBODY ELSE... so there...
• Lars and the Real Girl—way more poignant than its marketing would let on
• Stardust—I might be the only person on Earth who liked this movie
• This Christmas—that’s right, I’m picking This Christmas for its huge, huggable cast of characters and perfectly pitched holiday themes
• The Namesake—I saw it very early in the year, loved it and knew it would be in my top 10
• Transformers—apparently, everyone else at the ‘Pie hated this, but I loved it for all its loud, shiny, high-concept, popcorn-movie splendor
• Nothing is Private—now, this movie blew in ways that are borderline inconceivable... it was an awful, awful film... but seeing it was probably THE BEST time I had at a movie in 2007, thanks entirely to Eric and Dan, so it makes the list for that reason

10 Films That Blew Hard in 2007 (and it was tough narrowing the list to just ten)

• Alvin & the Chipmunks—an abomination!
• Are We Done Yet?—terrible, terrible “comedy” about home renovation!
• The Feast of Love—boring and stupid relations!
• Ghost Rider—Nicolas Cage’s laughable interpretation!
• I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry—completely unfunny misfire about discrimination!
• Mr. Brooks—so awful, it’s a bad-movie celebration!
• Next—defies logic and any explanation!
• Norbit—Eddie Murphy’s big-ass, lame-ass, totally crass creation!
• Perfect Stranger—proof that winning an Oscar causes cinematic damnation!
• Nothing is Private—two hours of a girl being sexually abused thanks to Alan Ball’s self-important, self-adulation!

Dishonorable Mentions: Bee Movie, Catch & Release, Premonition, Year of the Dog

Movies Everyone Else Loved But I Did Not

Knocked Up, Ratatouille, Hairspray

Movies I’m Pretty Sure Only I Saw

Rise: Blood Hunter (Lucy Liu as an ass-kicking vampire), Blood & Chocolate (Agnes Bruckner as an ass-kicking werewolf), The Flying Scotsman (Jonny Lee Miller as an ass-kicking cyclist), Smiley Face (Anna Faris as a lovable stoner who couldn’t tell her ass from her elbow)

Completely Forgettable Films of 2007 (in that, I literally forgot I saw them until I researched all 2007 releases in order to compile this list)

Sydney White, Music & Lyrics, Becoming Jane, Partition

Movies I Actually Did Miss Entirely in 2007

Sicko, Once, Enchanted and just about every Oscar contender released in December

Proof That Docs Rock

In the Shadow of the Moon, War/Dance, Operation Filmmaker, Captain Mike Across America, My Kid Could Paint That, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Proof That Girls Rock

Girls Rock!

Scary Movies That Did Not Scare Me

1408, Vacancy and The Marsh (totally lame!), The Orphanage (great, but tame!)

Lesbians Just Can’t Catch a Break on Film, Part One

The Jane Austen Book Club (lesbian is screwed over by her gf, nearly killed and is the only character without a love scene), The World Unseen (lesbians sneak around to avoid being beaten or killed in apartheid-era South Africa and don’t get a love scene), The Feast of Love (lesbians are portrayed as either predatory or insanely shrill), Across the Universe (lesbian character just disappears halfway through the movie... sans love scene before she vanishes)

I’m Sorry, But Keira Knightley’s Hot...

Atonement

And So Is James McAvoy...

Atonement, Starter For 10, Becoming Jane (quality of the film notwithstanding)

But John Travolta is Really, Really Not...

Wild Hogs (you’re not fooling anyone into believing you’re sexy or that that’s your real hair!), Hairspray (you’re not fooling anyone into believing you’re a sexy “plus-sized” woman... though they probably believe your girth is real!)

Movies With Interchangeable Lead Actors

Blades of Glory and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (is there a difference between Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly anymore?)

Best Girl Movie

Waitress

Best Boy Movie

The Bourne Ultimatum

Best Movie About a Girl Who’s Also a Boy

XXY

The Amanda Peet Award for Biggest Waste of Amanda Peet on Film

Amanda Peet, for her work in The Ex and The Martian Child (she needs to find new representation)

The Don Cheadle Award for the Best Use of Don Cheadle on Film

Don Cheadle, for his stellar turns in both Reign Over Me and Talk to Me, and his entertaining supporting work in Ocean’s Thirteen

Lesbians Just Can’t Catch a Break on Film, Part Deux

Itty Bitty Titty Committee, a movie chock full of lesbians AND love scenes, was written and directed by lesbian Jamie Babbit (whose work I usually adore), produced by POWER-UP (itself, brimming over with the lady gays), and co-stars a whole bunch of girls who love girls... and it still sucked

And finally, as always... the oft-misguided portent of cinematic doom...

Movies I’m Psyched to See in 2008

Wanted (OMG, have you SEEN the trailer?!)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Indy + Shia = I’m there)
Get Smart (I ♥ Steve Carell, always)