• Napoleon Dynamite - Completely deadpan, and freakin' hilarious. Probably just as fascinating is how many people HATED it!
• Super Size Me - A documentary, comedy, and horror movie all in one! When I had to eat breakfast at McDonald's on a business trip a mere two days after watching this movie, I just about burst into tears.
• Tarnation - This stunning, lifetime-in-the-making documentary made me want to run screaming, yet I couldn't help but admire it.
• Facing Windows - An introspective drama about everyday people and the secrets they keep, this film made me more than a little weepy.
• Bright Leaves - Ross McElwee makes another lovely, extremely personal, and gently self-effacing documentary, this time about the tobacco industry of North Carolina.
• Last Life in the Universe - A quiet film with bursts of violence, Pen-Ek Ratanaruang's ode to chance friendships has grown on me and stuck in my craw since I saw it at SIFF.
• Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban - Yes, this even surprises ME! Director Alfonso Cuarón gives the series refreshing maturity and real angst, making me finally believe.
• Incident at Loch Ness - Werner Herzog loses control of his Loch Ness Monster documentary in this hilarious take of Hollywood filmmaking gone wrong.

Breast Costume:

Keira Knightley's extremely unfortunate "strap-the-girls-down" getup as Guinevere, Amazon Queen, in the crappy-ass movie King Arthur.

Best Potential T-Shirt Slogan:

"The Revolution is My Boyfriend" from Raspberry Reich. (Wait... oh my god... this movie is PORN! I can't believe I just paid to see porn with a packed movie theater of total strangers at a film festival!)

Most Unsexy Use of Male Full Frontal Nudity:

Tie: Kinsey, specifically the educational slide show that causes gasps onscreen and off; Eurotrip, when the kids are chased off a nude beach by a pack of desperate naked men, with all their bits and pieces flopping away.

Guilty Pleasures:

The Prince & Me (Aaah... a commoner falling for the Prince of Denmark!), Shall We Dance (2004) (No sex or violence, just friendship, romance, and dance!), The Day After Tomorrow (Jake Gyllenhaal, wet. Nuff said.)

Best Ice-Chewing:

Meryl Streep in The Manchurian Candidate (2004)

Best Performances in a Movie That Was Otherwise a Shamefully Mediocre Choice to Open the Seattle International Film Festival:

James Garner as an elderly man, and Gena Rowlands as his Alzheimer's-stricken wife in The Notebook.

Best Scene Without Dialogue:

In Door in the Floor, when Marion leaves Ted for the last time, they share a tender moment of resigned acceptance before she drives off in her car. Kim Basinger and Jeff Bridges nail this scene without exchanging a single word, and show what real, understated acting is all about.

Best Closing Credits:

The super-cool animation at the end of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events—it made me wish the whole movie was animated!

In Napoleon Dynamite, Napoleon calls his brother Kip on the phone, and after Kip refuses to pick him up early at school, he has one last request:

Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! [with breathy rage] IDIOT!

The Movie in Most Severe NEED of ChapStick®:

Touching the Void—For the love of all that's holy... give the man some lip balm!

Most Nightmare-Inducing Scene:

Stranded. Swimming. In the open sea. At night. Surrounded by sharks. With only occasional lightning as illumination. I think I'm going to throw up. (Open Water)

Best Bible-Thumping:

Saved!

Worst Bible-Thumping:

The Passion of the Christ

A Movie That Got So Much Media Attention, Good and Bad, That I Barely Remember the Movie Itself:

Fahrenheit 9/11

Best-Looking Movies:

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Hero

  

If I could be an extra in any movie from 2004, it would be:

13 Going on 30 - Do you have any idea how much I practiced the "Thriller" zombie dance in my basement when I was fourteen???

The Moviepie "We Crack Ourselves Up!" Award for 2004 goes to...

...The documentation of Vickie's quest, on my behalf, in search of Maggie Cheung at the Toronto Film Festival. Some may say Vickie is a stalker, but I say she is a true pal, going the extra mile to try to snap pictures of my obsession. And if I say so myself, Vickie's All About Maggie Cheung Day entry in her Toronto Film Fest Diary, with my inserted commentary, is freakin' hilarious.