1) The Hours. The best movie of the year! Through the related stories of three different women in three different time periods, The Hours explores issues of life, death, love, suicide, happiness, and more. The decades separating the women come to mean very little as the film cuts between the three time periods with grace and ease, and we are drawn into the stories of Mrs. Woolf (played by a stunning Nicole Kidman), Mrs. Brown, and Mrs. Vaughan, and the ways in which they are connected and related. The Hours is thematically, musically, and visually rich, but most of all, it is a triumph of devastatingly true acting that is simply unequaled by any other film of 2002.

2) Far From Heaven. A cinematic miracle. Julianne Moore proves that she is the Great Actress of our generation, playing a stifled 1950s housewife whose husband struggles with his homosexuality, while she begins to form a bond with her black gardener, in a society that tolerates neither. The key to this flawless homage is its lack of irony, making it truly and heartbreakingly moving instead of satirical.

3) Chicago. WOW. This extravagant firecracker of a movie explodes across the screen in an intoxicating kaleidoscope of music, dance, and color. The characters are deliciously nasty, and from the very first frame to the very last, Chicago is a goldmine of visual and musical flair. Queen Latifah belting out "When You're Good To Mama" is one of the great moviegoing joys of the year.

4) About Schmidt. Watching this movie, I laughed nearly to the point of suffocation just about every five minutes. Director/co-writer Alexander Payne (with Jim Taylor, his partner from the similarly genius Election) has an unequaled eye for the comedy of human nature and behavior, and Jack Nicholson's decision to rein in his usually over-the-top antics results in his most accomplished, hilarious, and moving work to date.

5) Gangs of New York. Martin Scorsese's long-delayed labor of love turns out surprisingly to be worth the wait. It is excessively dirty, violent, loud, and bloody (and rightfully so), just like the tale it so skillfully tells, of the clash between, well, the gangs of New York -- more specifically, those who believed that America belongs to those who were born there, and those who immigrated to the "land of opportunity" only to find poverty and hatred which they literally had to fight to survive. Gangs of New York takes its time carefully setting up all the pieces and then lets them explode into violent catastrophe during its final act.

6) Catch Me If You Can. The other Leonardo DiCaprio film that came out this month, the true story of young con artist Frank Abagnale Jr. Catch Me If You Can is by far the most lighthearted film on this list, a hilarious comedy with just enough dramatic weight to make it more than fluff. Both Steven Spielberg's and Leonardo DiCaprio's versatility as artists continue to astound me, and they're both in top form here.

7) Punch-Drunk Love. A sweeping, dizzying, strange, and wonderful variation on the romantic comedy. Paul Thomas Anderson shocked us all when he announced that Adam Sandler was going to star in his next movie, but Sandler shocks us even more with his layered, fearfully potent performance.

8) Signs. Just thinking about this one gives me chills. Signs is a classy masterpiece of a thriller that inspires fear of such intensity, I actually felt panic in the theater. No one has such an uncanny ability to harness the horrific power of the implied as M. Night Shyamalan, aided by his genius use of sound. Shyamalan is quickly making a name for himself as one of today's most talented writer-directors.

9) Minority Report. What? A science-fiction blockbuster starring Tom Cruise that's actually worth seeing? It's true, believe it or not. It could have been nothing more than your average futuristic thriller, but it's the smartest, most breathtaking and imaginative sci-fi movie in years, one that ranks among Blade Runner and Metropolis as a film that engages the mind and the emotions as stunningly well as the eyes.

10) Y Tu Mamá También (And Your Mother Too). A seemingly simple premise of two horny teenagers on a road trip through Mexico with a sexy older woman (played in a masterful performance by Maribel Verdú) gives way to a rich, multi-layered tale of friendship, sexuality, life, death, and most lovingly, of director Alfonso Cuarón's homeland of Mexico. Y Tu Mamá También sees its characters with wrenching clarity, even while they don't, and doesn't flinch away from the raw sexuality that is part of them.

1) feardotcom. There aren't words in the English language to express how bad this movie was. However, that won't stop me from trying. For example: this is a vile, despicable, hateful, ugly, joyless, artless, unpleasant, sick, twisted, and undeniably wrong film.

2) The Hot Chick. Let me get something straight: what angers me the most about The Hot Chick is not the abundance of cruel, mean-spirited jokes at the expense of every minority group imaginable, although that is painful and unpleasant to watch. No, what makes me angry is the fact that it's simply not fucking funny. I mean, I realize it's my own fault for allowing myself to be subjected to this movie (don't ask how), but it's still an outrage that The Hot Chick exists.

3) Crossroads. It wants to be a Road Trip Movie, a Coming Of Age Movie, and a Star Vehicle all in one, but it's a failure on all counts. The clichés here are poured on thicker than Britney's eye shadow, and there's no evidence to suggest that she's better than the dismal material. Fuck this fucking movie.

4) Super Troopers. Everyone I've ever talked to about this movie claims that it's the funniest movie they've ever seen, which explains what in God's name compelled me to rent it. However, this movie was so insufferable, we stopped this tape after 10 minutes to do something more enjoyable, such as taking turns driving railroad spikes into each other's kneecaps. After I finished the watching it later, I had been subjected to so much unfunny that I was physically unable to smile for weeks.

5) Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones. A glossy, soulless exercise in digital sterility that ought to serve as a dire warning to any filmmaker who thinks that celluloid will soon be a thing of the past: YOU'RE WRONG. SO VERY WRONG. George Lucas is the anti-Peter Jackson and must be stopped. Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen had about as much chemistry as two blocks of wood. No, wait, that would be an insult to the comparatively stellar performances that two actual blocks of wood would have given.

"I'm hungry. Should I have a muffin first? Maybe I should write the first page, and then reward myself with the muffin..." (or something to that effect) Nicolas Cage as Charlie Kaufman sitting down to begin a screenplay in Adaptation

Tom Cruise getting eye-replacement surgery from Peter Stormare in Minority Report
Johnny Knoxville getting paper cuts between all his toes in jackass: the movie
Daniel Day-Lewis tapping his glass eye with the point of a knife in Gangs of New York

When the lights go out in the basement during the alien invasion in Signs

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Die Another Day
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Queen of the Damned
Jason X
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Men In Black II
Stuart Little 2
Halloween: Resurrection
Analyze That
Friday After Next

Nicolas Cage as Charlie and Donald Kaufman in Adaptation

Viola Davis (Far From Heaven, Solaris, Antwone Fisher)

Eddie Murphy (Showtime, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, I Spy)

Julianne Moore in Far From Heaven

Sam practically making out with Frodo every five minutes in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Gollum in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Natalie Portman in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Britney Spears in Crossroads

Robin Williams (Insomnia, One Hour Photo) Adam Sandler (Punch-Drunk Love)

Winona Ryder (Mr. Deeds, Simone)

Tobey Maguire in a spandex superhero outfit in Spider-Man
Elijah Wood and Dominic Monaghan as hobbits in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

My Big Fat Greek Wedding appearing in the top 10 at the box office after 19 weeks of release

Swept Away grossing less than $600,000 and being completely pulled from theaters after two weeks of release

Half Past Dead

Enough

The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
Igby Goes Down

Eight Legged Freaks
Sorority Boys
jackass the movie
Austin Powers in Goldmember

Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and Rie Rasmussen in Femme Fatale

...Catherine Keener
...Bebe Neuwirth
...Maggie Gyllenhaal
...Naomi Watts
...James Van Der Beek making out with Ian Somerhalder in The Rules of Attraction

...Vin Diesel
...Erika Christensen's big face screaming, "YOU LOVE ME, I KNOW IT!" in the Swimfan trailers
...the rest of The Rules of Attraction

...an animated Adam Sandler movie (Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights)
...movies based on video games (Resident Evil, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever)
...a movie involving computer-animated country-singing bears (The Country Bears)
...a Martin Lawrence concert film
...a Crocodile Hunter movie
...anything starring Jason Lee, ever