| THE PACIFIER |
 2005
- USA
Director: Adam Shankman - Reviewed by Vickie 
I think my friend Tim summed it up best when, as the closing credits
for The Pacifier began to roll, he sighed and said, “Poor Vin.”
Indeed, the buff actor’s latest big-screen foray feels like a major
misfire.
Taking a cue from Kindergarten Cop, the film stars Vin Diesel as navy SEAL Shane Wolfe, a no-nonsense military operative who gets an assignment to protect (read: babysit) the five children of a murdered scientist (Tate Donovan) while their mother (Faith Ford) travels to Zurich to retrieve something official from a bank. What she’s going to get is never clear, but it has something to do with a secret device her late husband was working on... a device being sought by mysterious nefarious types, which is why the family needs a tough-guy guardian in her absence. Follow me so far? So, Shane settles in with the brood: petulant teen Zoe (Brittany Snow), brooding teen Seth (Max Thieriot) and plucky ‘tween Lulu (Morgan York), plus a toddler and a baby who don’t do much but gurgle. Before you can say The Chronicles of Riddick, the fish-out-of-water misadventures begin, as Shane tries to adjust to parenting, and his young charges have to cope with having a muscle-y SEAL in the house. Sadly, the movie doesn’t live up to the potential of its premise. About 20 minutes in, Vin Diesel affects an entirely new persona—suddenly, his Shane isn’t a gruff, monosyllabic tough guy, he’s just an average Joe who’s flustered. He loses his posture, his cadence, his attitude and speech pattern (out of nowhere, he’s articulate and eloquent and directing a musical!) in a matter of minutes. There are flashes of his military training here and there but, for the most part, that aspect of his character vanishes and, with it, much of the film’s central theme. And, despite his character’s protestations early in the movie, Shane actually seems to like kids which, again, serves to shoot the comedy in the foot. There’s also a completely unbelievable and overly forced romantic arc involving Shane and Claire Fletcher (Lauren Graham), the kids’ principal, who appears onscreen for maybe 10 minutes in total despite Graham’s second-billing in the cast list. There are numerous cliché sight gags dropped in—guy gets sprayed by sprinklers while walking to the front door of a house! baby throws up on unsuspecting caregiver! big oaf gets totally grossed out while changing a diaper!—that further cheapen the proceedings. Was there nothing more original or inventive the filmmakers could have dreamed up? It made the movie feel like an extended sitcom rerun. And there seemed to be a fair amount of product placement (thanks, Costco! hello, Cocoa Pebbles!), which proved distracting. All that said, the cartoon-like quality of some of the action will appeal to children. The under-10 crowd will most likely find The Pacifier a fun-enough comedy. But parents, or anyone who isn’t being forced to entertain a pint-sized moviegoer, will probably do best to stay away. |
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