Director: Brian Robbins
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Cuba Gooding Jr., Eddie Griffin, Terry Crews, Kat Williams, China Anderson

- Reviewed by Vickie

If you find yourself at a multiplex in the next few weeks and are overcome by a strange, pungent odor wafting through its hallways, chances are the source of the stench is this truly terrible new comedy from Eddie Murphy because it STINKS.

Unfunny, tedious and painfully bad all around, the movie stars Murphy in three roles: as the titular nerd, who’s so meek and annoying that you don’t empathize with him so much as pray to the heavens he grow a spine; as said nerd’s father figure, bigoted Chinese restaurant owner Mr. Wong, who repeatedly spouts racist and sexist comments in the name of “comedy”; and last but certainly not least, girth-wise, as Rasputia—an enormous, hateful and one-note behemoth who ensnares Norbit as a child, claims him as her boyfriend (and her own personal punching bag) and eventually drags him to the altar in marriage. Their union is loathsome at best and Norbit, perhaps speaking for everyone in the audience, just wishes he could escape this predicament.

Enter Kate (Thandie Newton, inexplicably slumming in this dreck), one of Norbit’s childhood crushes, who breezes back into his small town as a full-grown woman with a heart of gold. Norbit is immediately re-smitten. Problem is, Kate’s also got a boorish, money-grubbing fiancé (Cuba Gooding Jr., further crapping all over his Academy Award with his work here), who’s scheming with Rasputia’s trio of meathead brothers (Terry Crews, Clifton Powell and Lester “Rasta” Speight) to turn her (and Norbit’s) former orphanage into a strip club called, I kid you not, Nipplopolis. Not surprisingly, Rasputia’s none-too-thrilled with Kate’s svelte, kind and non-offensive presence and its effect on Norbit. So, weave in place and ribs in hand, she sinks her claws even further into Norbit as a way of staking her claim. What follows is a completely absurd (not in a good way) and laugh-free story about two women fighting over an unappealing guy (seriously, what the hell makes Norbit so desirable???), while clichéd ne’er-do-wells debate where to put the stripper pole in a property scam that screams of lazy writing.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that the audience with whom I saw this dud sat in STONE SILENCE throughout. There were the occasional snickers and uncomfortable twitters, but I suspect those were nothing more than the result of the supreme embarrassment we all felt for the folks onscreen. How any of them could have read the screenplay and thought, “Two hours of fat jokes involving an odious central character without an ounce of likability? This is comedy GOLD!” is beyond me. Many scenes border on offensive; many more leap gleefully into tastelessness. Parents be warned: this is not a movie about the Klumps and is definitely not family friendly in any way.

The only reason this film is being spared the dreaded “no pie!” rating is Eddie Griffin. I love Eddie Griffin, and he single-handedly saves this film from the ‘Pie’s hall of ultimate shame with his surprisingly funny turn as a sassy, fast-talking, enterprising pimp named Pope Sweet Jesus, who—with his partner in crime (Katt Williams)—brings a welcome pop to the otherwise stale and repugnant proceedings. Were it not for him, I would have kicked this cinematic flop to the curb altogether.

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