| MIAMI VICE |
 2006 - USADirector: Michael Mann
- Reviewed by Vickie
Sporting what is arguably this summer’s worst movie haircut (Tom Hanks’ Da Vinci Code ‘do notwithstanding), Farrell and his greasy mullet star as detective Sonny Crockett who, alongside barely there partner and second fiddle, Ricardo Tubbs (Jamie Foxx), works in the Miami PD’s vice division. But, unlike the far fluffier and campier TV series of the same name, this Miami Vice is all about the grit. The underbelly. The seamy side of Miami and its drug trade. It’s not pretty and there’s nary a pastel shirt to be seen. In a bid to separate his project from its television origins, director Michael Mann lays on the profanity, violence and underlit shots so heavily that it started to seem almost like a parody of itself. [He does, however, earn some points for breaking with tradition and not inserting the obligatory strip-club scene filled with naked women, which seems to appear in every single movie of this ilk. So, well done, there.] The film’s thin plot feels like a drawn-out episode of the series, with a storyline that could probably be tied up neatly in 47 minutes but is instead stretched to more than two hours and thus feels way, way too long. Crockett and Tubbs are out to nail drug lord Montoya (Luis Tosar) and his irritating second-in-command, Jose Yero (John Ortiz), by posing as transporters and infiltrating their drug ring. The end. That’s it. Original, no? Along the way, of course, complications and assorted diversions arise. Crockett attempts to use Montoya’s girlfriend, Isabella (Gong Li, in a horrifyingly awful role), to get information, but winds up falling into bed with her repeatedly instead. Tubbs, who’s pretty much sidelined and inconsequential for most of the movie, gets his chance at an emotional investment in the case when his girlfriend and fellow cop, Trudy (Naomie Harris), is nabbed by rival dealers. (Admit it, you forgot there even was a Trudy, didn’t you?) But the whole time I was watching the action, I kept thinking, “Who cares?” Did this movie need to be made? Was the world crying out for a dark and tedious reimagining of an iconic TV show from the 1980s? Is anyone going to believe Colin Farrell as a haggard, jaded Miami cop? And the answer I kept coming up with was: no, not really. I had a number of problems with the film. For starters, the story at its core was unimaginative and entirely predictable. Cops chasing drug dealers? Gee, that’s not something that’s been done dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. But if that’s the story you want to tell, fine—just do something different with it. Throw in a curveball. Something. Not once was I surprised by anything that happened onscreen, and plot “twists” were nonexistent. As mentioned above, it’s also painfully obvious that the film’s target audience is men between 18 and 35... which misses a huge section of the population (namely: women) who’d likely be inclined to see this for the nostalgia factor and/or its two current leads. Speaking of our heroes, I realize the marquee value in having Colin Farrell star in your film, but he’s far from a proven draw and, here, seems way out of his element. Farrell has a number of physical tics that become apparent as you watch the movie (count the number of times he touches the tip of his thumb to his lip, for example), and he’s not at all believable in his role. Being physically dirty (oily hair, unshaven face, scary moustache, unwashed clothes) does not automatically translate to “tough, worldly cop.” It translates to: this guy probably smells really ripe. As if that wasn’t bad enough, his Sonny can’t even keep his accents straight in front of the criminals he’s trying to fool! He goes back and forth between Southern and generic northern and borderline New York-ish—wouldn’t that perhaps be a tip-off to these hyper-suspicious drug kingpins that maybe, just maybe, something fishy’s going on? Given that the ring’s background checks and scrutiny of Crockett and Tubbs are pointed out repeatedly, how are we to believe that something as obvious as an ever-changing accent is simply... not noticed???? Foxx needs to have a word with his agent, I think. Sure, in the TV series, Crockett often outshone Tubbs, but why bother having Jamie Foxx in the movie if you’re just going to make him a glorified benchwarmer? I actually felt bad for him. Equally short-shrifted are the film’s female cast members. Harris manages a small amount of screen time and gets to pretend to be a tough cookie, but Gong Li—like many stellar foreign actresses before her, who wind up being "the girl" in American Boy Movies (see: Connie Nielsen, Penélope Cruz, Lena Headey)—is outright shafted. Not only does she have to struggle to speak her lines in English through a molasses-thick accent, but she’s given absolutely cringe-worthy dialogue to spit out. It was terrible! This is the woman who brought us Raise the Red Lantern and Farewell My Concubine... and here she’s an inconsistent drug moll, who goes from steely, icy and ruthless to flighty and careless in a matter of days just because she got a whiff of Crockett’s manfilth? And you can forget about Gina altogether. Oh, she’s around, and actress Elizabeth Rodriguez even gets a few lines here and there but, again, her character serves as glorified set dressing to prove that the Miami PD actually does have women on its roster. Ultimately, though, my biggest complaint about Miami Vice is that it’s just boring. It’s not entertaining. It’s not lively. And even its big, climactic, blood-spattered shoot-out feels endless and dull. Given all the hoopla about this movie, you’d think it would be much, much better than it is. I suspect fans of the TV show will be disappointed. And, likely, fans of Jamie Foxx will be disappointed. So will Gong Li’s audience. And the ones who want to see how Michael Mann followed up the far-superior Collateral. I think many will leave asking themselves the same questions I did, but I betcha none of us will get answers. |
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Miami Vice is one big, fat, obnoxious Boy Movie so laden with
testosterone that I felt like I needed to towel off when I left the
theater. Unfortunately, that’s not necessarily a good thing in my
books, and the film was a (not unexpected) disappointment that really
should have been called Miami Vice: The Colin Farrell Show.
