| THE MATRIX RELOADED |
 2003 - USADirector: Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski - Reviewed by special guest (and Matrix freak) Max
I joined the throng of Matrix-worshippers at a local theater, half-expecting to be disappointed and certainly anticipating that I could not be swept away by the art and surprise of the first movie... but for CRYING OUT LOUD!!! This movie SUCKED!!!! Please do not waste your money on The Matrix Reloaded. Save yourself your hard-earned cash and spare yourself the agony of tainting your memory of the magnificence of the original movie. What began as an excessively busy, multicultural cosmology in the first movie (termed, rather succintly by a friend of mine, as the "throw-a-bunch-of-philosophies-on-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks" approach), now reaches a tortured convolution in The Matrix Reloaded. Don't expect any internal consistency within the tidy aphorisms this time around. Things continue to not be as they seem; nor are they anything else, either. Simple nihilism would have sufficed, but this movie overwhelms the audience didactically with a nauseating effect. The non-existent spoon re-appears, but this time it's handmade of tinfoil. Speaking of nauseating: within the first 10 minutes of the movie we are led to Zion, the last bastion of human life deep within Earth, far from the invading machines. The humans gather to hear Morpheus deliver a rousing (?) speech in which he outlines his battle plan for repelling the attacking machines: "Let's all make a bunch of noise and show the machines how spirited we really are!" (I'm only slightly paraphrasing). What ensues is a tedious, post-apocalyptic rave. A live band even appears (a band complete with timpani which could have come from the production designer for the Blue Man Group). Sweaty, nubile flesh sways rhythmically onscreen as we, the audience, are left wondering WHATTHEFUCK is going on. By "WHATHTEFUCK" I'm not referring to the same sensation we all had at the 15-minute mark of the first Matrix; remember sitting on the edge of your uncomfortable Cineplex Odeon chair, gasping as the hot chick in black pleather beats the shit out of a bunch of cops? Then jumps through a freakin' window after sprinting and leaping across several rooftops? Well, at the 15-minute mark of The Matrix Reloaded, you're wishing you'd brought along a gram or two of pot. Did I say "pot"? I meant "plot". Bring your own plot; the Wachowski brothers forgot to include one. This movie is a parody of its predecessor. Agent Smith makes an appearance (several, actually), but he is an emasculated, one-dimensional shell of the original Agent Smith. His presence onscreen serves merely to remind the audience that there was a really cool movie upon which this shitty sequel was based. The Matrix Reloaded gets so desperate to remind you of this, that it ACTUALLY SHOWS you scenes from the original movie in the background during this movie's (anti)climax. I caught myself focusing on the little TV screens, wishing I were watching that movie instead. The most controversial aspect of The Matrix was its depiction of violence. Remember how, almost immediately after The Matrix was released to theaters in early 1999, those idiot high-schoolers in Littleton, Colorado went on a shooting rampage and killed a bunch of fellow students? They called themselves the "Trenchcoat Mafia". Folks in many parts were quick to blame "the media" for contributing to the high-schoolers' sociopathic mindset. The Matrix was singled out because Keanu and Carrie-Anne wore black trenchcoats. Whatever. Reminds me of George Bush in one of his presidential debates blaming "the internet" for what happened at Columbine. Yeah. Dude, that makes sense. Whatever. Anyway, one of my favorite things about The Matrix was the fact that it so CLEARLY distinguished between violence which could hurt you, which was REAL, versus the imaginary violence which occurred within the Matrix itself—within a computer program. Plus, the imaginary violence became cartoonish—a joke. As soon as you saw Laurence Fishburne floating in mid-air, you knew this was one big joke. But... there were times when REAL violence was depicted, and you began to fear for the well-being of the humans at the hands of the machines. The Matrix Reloaded discards real violence almost entirely. There is an annoying procession of Road Runner violence displayed throughout this movie but there is no dramatic tension. You know it's fake this time around and you just don't really care. The original awe is completely gone. So was there anything good about this movie? Yes—two things: 1) Keanu's speaking role was as equally minimized in this movie as in the last; he never says "Whoa," but did I hear a "Dude!" at some point? Not sure. 2) Carrie-Anne Moss still looks absolutely HOT in pleather. For those Luddites out there who rush out to see The Matrix Reloaded to reaffirm your deeply held fear that technology will be the end of us all... NEVER FEAR! Terminator 3 is scheduled to be released this summer, and you'll be able to further satisfy your dogma by means of the Schwarzenegger machine. OK, OK, I know someone out there is going to see this movie and they're really going to like it. They're going to protest that I'm being unfair or that I'm "missing the point". They're going to reach for their dusty copies of college philosophy textbooks and attempt to make me see that I'm simply not freeing my mind. Whatever. All I have to say is: If you have to EXPLAIN to me why I should like this movie.... Who just won that argument? Please excuse me while I go put in my DVD copy of The Matrix. I need to overwrite some short-term memory brain cells with a cinematic experience that actually means something. |
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For the first time in my whole life, I saw a movie in the theater on its opening night. I wish I had chosen Three Men and a Baby for this honor, but instead I waited, like a virginal twenty-something, for The Matrix Reloaded.
