| MATCH POINT |
 2005 - USADirector: Woody Allen
- Reviewed by Jennifer
Jonathan Rhys Meyers stars as Chris, an Irish tennis prodigy with no interest in pursuing the sport professionally. He sees an easy out when he meets trust fund cutie Chloe (Emily Mortimer), but the plot thickens when he meets her brother's sexpot fiancé, Nola (Scarlett Johansson). The two are immediately attracted to one another, but do their best to resist to temptation and respect their current partners. Chris finds this especially difficult, and begins scheming to see Nola at every opportunity. This is less compelling than you might think, as Chris is a lazy sourpuss and Nola has all the appeal of a 50-something barfly. Eventually Chris marries Chloe to ensure himself a life of luxury, and her brother breaks up with Nola. Ooh, isn't this handy? The only person who has to cheat is Chris! He and Nola begin a steamy affair involving excessive shagging and tiresome dialogue. Trust me - it's not hot. Nola is a struggling American actress with an penchant for booze and chain smoking, and Scarlett Johansson's dead eyes and deep deadpan voice certainly don't help. I've always thought that Scarlett looks like the Gelfling girl in The Dark Crystal trapped in Miss Piggy's body, so it's hard for me to understand why a non-Muppet would be attracted to her. Once the love affair is established, the movie lies dead in the water for at least an hour. Sweet, chirpy Chloe goes on and on and on about wanting a baby, but can't get pregnant for the life of her. Nola quickly does get pregnant, then spends an inordinate amount of time saying, "Did you tell Chloe? Are you going to tell Chloe? If you won't tell Chloe, I will. I want this resolved!" Then she starts the whole boring rant all over again. Sheesh, it kind of makes you want to shoot her. Oh hey, that's not a bad idea! Though the ending of Match Point is twisty, unexpected, and vaguely satisfying, the journey doesn't justify the destination. Aside from the fact that the characters are dull and unlikable, they have no chemistry with one another. Why then are we watching the movie? The writing certainly doesn't make up for the lack of talent, as Woody Allen insists upon giving everyone awkward and inappropriate lines. Stupid Nola, the young, less-than-sophisticated American is constantly saying something pretentious like, "I have no one to confide in" or "you insisted" or "my confidence, which was at ten, has now dropped to one". They're all things you'd expect to hear Woody Allen saying in his peculiar, neurotic stammer, and they sound completely unnatural coming from a 20 year old girl. In fact, all of the young people in the film are unbelievable. Chris and Chloe are endlessly entertaining themselves with red wine, theater, and opera. Um, hello, Woody? Even the Princes of Wales aren't that stuffy. For the first time in my life I find myself wishing I knew anything at all about sports, just so I could find the perfect tennis analogy to describe the Match Point debacle. Maybe a pun about how you're not likely to LOVE this movie? Something about it being a stinker you won't want to SERVE up? I'm at a loss, but I think you know what I mean. |
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Despite my long-standing aversion to Woody Allen movies, I decided to
give Match Point a shot. It got rave reviews, and looked like
more of a thriller than his usual fare. By the time I actually held
it in my hands, my excitement had vanished. What could it possibly be
about? Tennis? Scarlett Johansson and Jonathan Rhys Meyers? Doing
what? Nothing I imagined could possibly fill two hours. Turns out,
nothing Woody Allen imagined could possibly fill two hours either, but
he managed it anyway.
