Kiss of the Dragon is nothing like any of these films. It is an embarrassment for everyone involved. One must wonder what projects Bridget Fonda passed on to play the film’s hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold. After The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, producer/writer Luc Besson was probably hopeful he’d score another Fifth Element. Sorry, Luc. You and debut director Chris Nahon have managed to create one of the most boring films of the year, and your movie isn’t even in subtitles.

Liu Jian (Li) is a Chinese intelligence officer sent to France to assist in a police operation headed by Richard (Tchéky Karyo). In an elaborate opening sequence, Jian discovers Richard is evil, and whoever they were trying to arrest is innocent. Richard kills two people, and tries to frame Jian, but he escapes. This sets up some wild chases between Richard’s men and Jian across Paris. A witness to the two murders, an ex-junkie hooker named Jessica (Fonda), who wears way too much mascara, may prove to be Jian’s missing link. First, though, he must rescue her young child, held hostage by Richard. You can pretty much guess what happens.

The best parts of Kiss of the Dragon, cleverly abbreviated as “KOD” in advertisements, occur in the trailers for the film. Even the short television spots capture everything interesting about this movie. The coolness factor starts when Jet Li kills a guy by kicking a pool ball in midair into his head... and ends right after that. The other ooh and aah moment where Li kicks a man in a guard booth sideways without ever looking at him is in the ads too. What you don’t see are the people being stabbed by chopsticks, people’s blood exploding through their faces, the graphic drug rape, and many other wonderful elements of the film. As Li has warned in interviews, it’s not a family film.

The only inventive action tactic is acupuncture. Jian carries hundreds of acupuncture needles on his wrist, and knows just where to put them on an enemy. Points must be given to Jet Li for his continued refusal not to use a gun in his films. Everyone else in this movie has one, but not him.

Poor Bridget Fonda. She gives the worst performance out of the main three here, and should go back to doing independent films like A Simple Plan. Jet Li, who actually wrote the film’s original story, should watch his material. Sure the action is passable, but he says no more than 200 words in this movie. We need some type of story, however implausible. Karyo should receive credit for having to act out one of the more bizarre death scenes in recent memory.

The film’s soundtrack is also explicit. The filmmakers tried to find the most offensive, derogatory, swear-filled rap music they could. Mystikal’s two tracks, including that ever-popular “Shake Ya Ass”, are particularly distasteful.

Summer is supposed to be about fun. “Kiss of the Dragon” is not fun. It is overly graphic, plodding, and predictable. While the setting of Paris and the action sequences keep it from being a complete disaster, you’re better off renting one of Jet Li’s old Hong Kong movies.

Official Movie Site