| KINGDOM OF HEAVEN |
 2005 - USA / Spain / UK Director: Ridley Scott
- Reviewed by Vickie
Yet, for some odd reason, it was with the eyes and mind of a teenager that I sat down for Ridley Scott’s latest historical opus like I was being forced to sit through a lecture. I couldn’t help but feel like a goofy girl who didn’t know much about the premise of the film, beyond the fact that Orlando Bloom would probably get to wield a sword and say “my lord” more than a few times, and I can honestly say I wasn’t particularly thrilled with the idea. Still, I tried to conjure the 12th-century facts that are buried somewhere in my subconscious, but couldn’t. So, instead, I did my best to piece together the plot, the characters and the events. And here’s what I managed to glean: [Insert voice of vapid but strangely articulate teenaged girl…] Okay, so there’s this French blacksmith named Balian (Orlando Bloom), who’s seriously depressed and kind of angry at religion because his grief-stricken wife just committed suicide and all the local clergymen tell him she’s burning in Hell. Nice. Anyway, he’s pounding at some kind of iron hot from the fire and looking all greasy when Liam Neeson rides up with his gaggle of knights. He’s Balian’s long-lost father and a Crusader, who’s just come back from Jerusalem and is all like, “Hey Balian, you should totally come along on our next trip back there because Jerusalem rocks!” At first, Balian’s all, “I dunno, man, I don’t think so.” But then he decides he might as well tag along, and winds up not only becoming a knight but goes all Braveheart and leads his group into the city. Jerusalem is being ruled by King Baldwin (Edward Norton), a nice guy who’s got leprosy (bummer!) and a hot sister named Sibylla (Eva Green), and there’s a relative peace between Christians and Muslims. Both religious groups want the city as their own, but a kind of truce has been established so everybody can practice their religion. Thing is, Sibylla’s gross, control-freak husband, Reynald (Brendan Gleeson), doesn’t like it and wants Christians to have it all, whatever the cost. He’s all like, “Screw peace! We’re gonna take Jerusalem even if it means war! Take that!” Balian’s like, “Whoa, dude. We can all play nice together!” But Reynald won’t hear it and everybody starts picking sides – including Sibylla, who’s all, “Yuck, my husband’s a troll. I’m gonna hook up with that hottie Balian!” Then a huge war breaks out and then all these warriors and knights and peasants and people who look like thousands of leftover extras from The Lord of the Rings get to suit up and fight. [End teenaged girl blathering.] Kingdom of Heaven is an ambitious enough undertaking, and boasts an impressive cast (that also includes David Thewlis, Jeremy Irons and Kevin McKidd), gorgeous cinematography and lush art direction. It’s pretty to look at but, at the core, its story isn’t all that compelling and doesn’t really set itself apart from any other historic-uprising film that came before it. It felt at times as if the filmmakers were working off some kind of Historical Epic Checklist: peasant turned knight (check!), father/son conflict (check!), evil ruler (check!), good ruler being kept down (check!), rebellion (check!), steamy love interest who’s married to the villain (check!), big fat battle scenes (check!)…and so on. There’s also little explanation (in the form of those handy, onscreen text encapsulations) of who’s who and what’s what, so people like me – who are horribly ill-informed and ignorant – spend more time trying to sort out why everyone seems mad at everyone else. It took me almost the entire film to clue in that Reynald and the Templars are the collective enemy of the Catholic Church in this situation, but not all situations. I kept thinking, “Okay, so WHY are the Christians angry at the other Christians??” Orlando Bloom dons yet another period costume and doesn’t really do anything spectacular. His Balian is appropriately noble and brave and inspirational to his army, but his character and his character’s actions still left me with an overall “meh” feeling once the credits rolled. In fact, so did the film as a whole. |
| Home | Currently Playing | For Rent | Video Obsession ©2005 Moviepie e-mail us |
I’m fairly certain that all my history and religion teachers from high
school would heave a sigh of frustration that I remember precious
little about the Crusades. I mean, I have a vague recollection of
sitting in class and studying the period, but that was more than 15
years ago.