| JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE |
 2006 - USADirector: Betty Thomas
- Reviewed by Vickie
Desperate Housewives’ Jesse Metcalfe stars as the titular teenage lothario, who’s working his was through the girls in his high school using a foolproof dating strategy: simultaneously date members of different cliques so that the social pecking order dictates they’ll never talk to each other and, thus, will never find out that they’re all being used by the same jock at the same time. But when new kid in town Kate winds up in the middle of three feuding females—Tracy Flick wannabe Carrie (Arielle Kebbel), self-proclaimed school slut Beth (Sophia Bush) and perky cheerleader Heather (Ashanti)—each of whom believes she’s John’s sole girlfriend, it’s time for some strategizing. Kate argues that the girls shouldn’t be fighting each other but that they should instead pool their collective rage and exact revenge on the guy who started it all. Their admittedly weak tactics prove futile until they realize that the only way to destroy John Tucker is to make him fall head over heels for one girl and then break his heart into a thousand tiny pieces. Crush his spirit! And, of course, they all agree that a very reluctant but newly made-over Kate is just the girl for that job. Not surprisingly, their airtight plan is filled with holes and proves more difficult to execute than initially believed, as Kate soon finds herself torn between what she thinks she should do and what she really wants to do. Now, as I said, the movie’s basically quite lame. It’s got a screenplay that seems recycled from a dozen teen movies before it, craptacular dialogue worthy of Saved By the Bell and a veritable checklist of high-school comedy clichés (right down to the Goths in gym class, the chemistry-lab mishaps and the token Big Party Scene where someone winds up thoroughly humiliated). And, yet, dammit if I didn’t still manage to smile through most of it! The scary thing is, I can’t even really explain why. Part of it has to be Brittany Snow, whom I adored on TV’s American Dreams and who proves herself to be a delightful screen presence here. Sophia Bush was also nicely snarky in a way that reminded me of Rachel McAdams, and even Jenny McCarthy turns in a surprisingly understated performance as Kate’s unlucky-in-love mom, Lori (who’s clearly been modeled—in name and essence—after Lauren Graham’s Gilmore Girls alter ego, Lorelai). But Jesse Metcalfe, with his sculpted eyebrows and decidedly over-21 appearance, seems a bit long-in-the-tooth to be playing a convincing teenager. Kebbel is entirely, forgettably meh and Ashanti once again plays Ashanti, so there’s nothing compelling or likable there. Again, I have no idea what it was about John Tucker Must Die that’s preventing me from giving it the two slices it probably deserves, but I really did like it on some level. If you’re a fan of mindless teen movies or cheesy revenge flicks, and even if you’re not, there’s really nothing I can think of that should prevent you from checking it out. |
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Strangely, my experience watching John Tucker Must Die is not
unlike the experience of the film’s heroine, Kate (Brittany Snow), who
knows that John Tucker (the person, not the film) is a womanizing jerk
in need of a swift kick in the ass, but finds herself falling for him
despite herself. Likewise, I know that John Tucker (the film,
not the person) is a pretty bad movie, but I was somehow inexplicably
charmed by it in some weird, sick way. This is especially shocking
considering that it co-stars Ashanti, my distaste for whom is one tiny
gnat’s whisker away from my cinematic loathing of Jena Malone... so you’d
think that alone would seal the movie’s fate for sure, but it didn’t.
Go figure.
