| JOE DIRT |
 2001 - USADirector: Dennie Gordon
- Reviewed by Jennifer
I watched Joe Dirt. It was bad. Really bad. And apparently I have no pride, because here I am telling you about it. It all started when David Spade showed up on this PBS tribute to Lorne Michaels. He was talking about the good old days with Chris Farley, which made me nostalgic, and then he made some crack about Joe Dirt. I thought, "Hey, I never saw that. How bad could it be?" I actually enjoyed Tommy Boy and Dickie Roberts, so I mistook myself for someone who likes David Spade. Big mistake. Joe Dirt is the painfully stupid story of a man with a mullet wig surgically fused to his head. He was so disliked by his parents that they wouldn't even share their last name with him, and abandoned him at the Grand Canyon when he was little. Ever since, he's been bouncing from town to town in search of them, and it's really hard, because he can't remember their last name. It's just like a Dickens novel, only crappy. On his journey, Joe endures endless humiliation, like the time he finds a huge meteor that turns out to be frozen waste dropped from an airplane. Oh, it was kind of funny that he ate his ketchup and French fries off the "meteor", but not funny enough to justify the existence of this movie. He enjoys a brief period of happiness with his hot friend Brandy, but they become separated, and Kid Rock tries to keep them apart for good. Joe tells the entire story on a vile radio show hosted by Dennis Miller, and somehow captures the attention of the nation. Naturally he hooks up with Brandy. Naturally he finds his parents and learns that they are really horrible people to whom he shouldn't have given a second thought. Naturally he and his friends all ride off into the sunset. Naturally you are ashamed of yourself by the end. The only saving grace is Christopher Walken, who plays a janitor with a penchant for offering to stab people in the face with a soldering iron. He winds up married to a woman who runs an alligator farm, played by Rosanna Arquette. They can share this one slice of moviepie between them. Throughout the film I sat in utter bafflement, fighting the urge to turn the thing off, and wondering how it ever got produced. Who read this script and said "Yes!"? And if they're saying yes to this crap, then why am I watching videos when I could be writing a movie? Apparently a story you'd make up at recess in 6th grade is good enough for Hollywood. Really, who wrote this thing? Oh. David Spade. Who produced this thing? Oh. Happy Madison. Figures. I wonder if Adam Sandler still speaks to David Spade. |
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