| JERSEY GIRL |
 2004 - USA
Director: Kevin Smith - Reviewed by Jennifer
There's a reason why people said the best part of the movie is when J. Lo dies, and it's not just because we're sick and tired of Ben and Jen. Her character is obnoxious and so tightly wound that it's no wonder she has an aneurysm in childbirth. Later she is described to her daughter by a starry-eyed Ben Affleck as "pushy". And who doesn't love a a pushy lady? With J. Lo out of the picture, we're left with her obnoxious, selfish husband, Ben as the incompetent father of a vile little girl who can't learn to flush the toilet and never washes her hands after going to the bathroom. To be fair, Ben becomes less incompetent over time, and the little girl isn't vile in real life. I saw her on the Ellen show. Anyway, Ben loses his high profile job as a music publicist when he disses Will Smith at a press conference. That's why he has to move back to Jersey with his dad, George Carlin and live a tragically unfulfilled life as a street sweeper. For a few days I thought that George Carlin was the highlight of Jersey Girl, but a trusted friend made me see that his presence in the movie was just an embarrassing career misstep. It came to me then that Stephen Root (who plays one of George Carlin's friends) is actually the only good thing about Jersey Girl. From Office Space to Dodgeball, Stephen Root has got to be the sweetest, most affable man in Coke-bottle-glasses ever to light up the screen. Given the choice between Ben Affleck and Stephen Root, I would take Stephen any day. So there, Ben! But I digress. After seven lonely years, Ben meets Liv Tyler while renting porn. He hasn't had a date since J. Lo died, but, um, keeps himself occupied. Clearly Liv Tyler's character is pure male fantasy, because not only does she also, um, keep herself occupied, she's writing a thesis on the porn-viewing habits of men, and practically throws herself at Ben when she finds out how long he's been alone. Later, when Ben disappoints her, she heads straight into the porn room to have a cry. That's where the movie really lost me. I used to work in a video store with a porn room, and while it was often the source of distress, no normal female video store clerk would ever seek refuge in its XXX rated walls or date one of its patrons. As Liv's dad would say, dream on. Having fully entered the realm of the preposterous, we watch as Ben tries to get a job in New York City. There is a divine intervention in the form of Will Smith, and Ben suddenly realizes what is important in life: family. Awww, isn't that sweet? Hmmm. No, this movie just sucks. |
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Sometimes you hear that a movie sucks, and then you see it....and you
realize that whoever said it sucked was right. Such was the case with
Jersey Girl. The Kevin Smith/Ben Affleck factor repelled me from the
start,
but I figured that if Liv Tyler could be in it, then I could at least
watch
it. These acts of solidarity are rarely rewarded, especially when the
film
in question has been touched by the cinematic equivalent of venereal
disease: Bennifer.
