| THE DESCENT |
 2006 - UKDirector: Neil Marshall
- Reviewed by Linda
The Descent is a twist on the classic "pick 'em off one-by-one" horror movie. Yes, you've got damsels in distress, but these aren't the typical scream-and-get-their-shirt-ripped-off-before-they're-cut-in-half chicks. These gals are total Sporty Spice. There is only one man in the movie (well, let's say homo sapien man, at least)—the husband of one of the women—and he and their daughter are offed in a horrible car accident in the opening scene. Sarah (Shauna MacDonald), understandably traumatized by the loss of her man and her little girl, is lured back out for adventure a year later with her gal-pals to the Appalachian Mountains for some cave exploring adventure. Other than Sarah, the women are kind of interchangeable, with the exception of Juno (Natalie Jackson Mendoza), the lone American gal, who is (of course) a badass and kind of a bitch. There's tension between her and some of the gals, because a) she's bossy, and because b) some of them know that she was getting busy with Sarah's husband before he died. But for a little bit of character building, The Descent doesn't waste time, and sends our six chix down into the remote cave for some adventure. In my opinion, the creepy factor starts before way before things even go wrong. Crawling into holes on your belly with only a headlamp is not my idea of fun. When one woman gets a bit wedged and freaks out, I was right there with her. But these gals aren't amateurs. They've got the equipment and the muscle to shimmy up walls and across cave ceilings... and you know what? It's awesome to see. It's too bad though that I was reminded that this WAS a horror movie as soon as their exit is cut off and they realize they are not alone in the darkness. OhDearLordMotherOfAllThatsHoly. When it really gets going, The Descent doesn't skimp on grossness factor. Just when I was already freaked out by the psychological horror of it all, the big, nasty bitey-biteys come out of the darkness, and stringy red cords of neck meat get yanked out with a juicy snap. Climbing picks go flying and hacking through pale, moist Bat-Boy flesh. And that stick you picked up for protection isn't a stick at all... it's a leg bone!!! There's even an impressive scene of what one of my cohorts dubbed "eyeball-gouging porn" which included not one, but TWO shots of thumbs-in-eyesockets, PLUS the added bonus of eyeball-goo being wiped on the pants when the deed was done. Needless to say the half-pack of Red Vines I had scarfed with a bag of faux-buttery goodness popcorn started to churn like the spin cycle of a washing machine in my stomach. GROSS! The thing is, I don't think The Descent even needed the beasties (who look like the cousins of Fluke Man from the scary-pit-toilet episode of The X-Files) to be horrifying. They don't show up until halfway through the film, and by then I already was yearning to bolt out of the theater into broad daylight, swinging my arms wildly for open-space emphasis, thanking the maker for the big sky and all of its glory. And for all of its refreshing smartness, there are a couple of cheap scares in the movie that kinda make you think, "OK, that was cheap." But only a couple, mind you. The movie scared the crap out of us, and we had to decompress and debrief afterwards in, coincidentally, a dark claustrophobic bar at the bottom of a remote staircase. (Dang.) |
| Home | Currently Playing | For Rent | Video Obsession ©2006 Moviepie e-mail us |
When a horror movie is good, you should be raising your hand to be excused from the building. The Descent is one such movie, and not only is it good, but it's even occasionally great. And when I mean great, I mean "bending over, putting your head between your knees and vomiting on the floor" great.
