| BEOWULF & GRENDEL |
 2005 - Canada / Iceland / UK Director: Sturla Gunnarsson
- Reviewed by Linda
For those of you who never got around to reading the 3,182-line tale (go on, raise your hands... no need to be shy here), let me summarize. OK, let me summarize the MOVIE. I have to admit I haven't picked up Beowulf lately either. Beowulf (Gerard Butler) was a hero who rose from the sea. Or rather he sloshed his way across the tidal flats after falling out of his boat (really!). Word on the street is that his countrymen's neighbors, the Danes over in Daneland, are having a bit of troll trouble. Namely, this big, angry beasty keeps stomping into the cozy lodge of King Hrothgar (ever-drunk and regretful Stellan Skarsgård) and tearing warriors' heads off. Ouch. The Danes are friends of the Geats in Sweden (where men with heavy Scottish accents like Beowulf live), so Beowulf gathers some sturdy pals and their swords to go help. The Danes are happy to see Beowulf and his men. So happy that they have no problem drinking and falling asleep every night while the visitors struggle to keep their eyes open to protect everyone. The local witch Selma (woefully miscast Sarah Polley, never pretending to be anything other than a modern Canadian) takes a shine to Beowulf, because he's hot, so she lures him and rebuffs him. She is, after all, the local whore in addition to her witchy reputation. The troll, a big and burly caveman-ish guy (who we see in flashbacks had a beard as a child!), continues to torment and knock off King Hrothgar's men one by one. But Beowulf, strong and intelligent warrior that he is, starts to see the troll as not just a beast, but an angry man who perhaps has some valid issues. This is revealed when Beowulf runs after the troll, and with the help of witch Selma, "talks" to him. This scene is hilarious—intentionally? I'm not sure. Troll hollers, "Mi mi mi bah bah bah... woop! woop!" and Selma interprets solemnly, "Grendel says that he has no issues with you, only with The Danes." My interpretation: "That is the worst made-up language in film that I have seen since that awful movie The Time Machine!" Weird moments like that, as well as the bizarrely modern swearing and clunky pacing, make Beowulf & Grendel a confusing film experience. Gerard Butler sure looks the part, being all hunk-o-rific with his long wavy locks and smouldering stare. But the trouble with the movie starts with the DVD cover art where Butler's impressive hair seems to be flying in such a way that it looks like there is a large brown muppet coming out of the side of his head. Sarah Polley has fashionable rollergirl red dreadlocks, and Skarsgård looks like a drunk nobleman that got lost on the way to Lord of the Rings. That said, the overall look of the film is fantastic. I, for one, know that "Daneland" sure doesn't look like the landscape in the movie—the tallest point in Denmark is a 500 foot hill in the middle of rolling farmland, not a 1,000 foot rocky cliff to the sea where people can be flung off. Iceland is the obvious stand-in, with its beautifully harsh and treeless landscape. All the better to see the unwashed masses scampering through the mud and whacking each other over the head with swords, I suppose. The landscape serves as a character in the film—perhaps the most interesting character—as it lends a sort of authenticity and other-worldliness to this tale of long ago. Too bad the movie itself isn't as intriguing as it should be. The story has lasted this long in folklore... I'm sure it is much more interesting than this movie would lead you to believe. |
| Home | Currently Playing | For Rent | Video Obsession ©2006 Moviepie e-mail us |
For all of you high school kids crossing your fingers in the hopes that you can rent Beowulf & Grendel in order to skip reading the 1,000+ year-old epic poem: I'm sorry to disappoint you. Unless ye olde poem contains lines like "Don't play the bitch with me!" and "This troll must be one tough prick!"—I'm sorry to tell you that this is a rather liberal adaptation of the classic story.
