STAR WARS: EPISODE II
Attack of the Clones
2002 - USA

Director: George Lucas
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson, Pernilla August, Jack Thompson, Christopher Lee, Ahmed Best, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Temuera Morrison


- Reviewed by Scott

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones+ 1 slice for sound effects
+ 1 slice for special effects
+ 1 slice for only two minutes of Jar Jar Binks
– 1 slice for Lucas directing again

The plot: A "love" story between one brat and a beautiful princess, with the not-so-subtle move of Anakin (Hayden Christensen) towards the Dark Side of the Force. Plus add a sprinkling of not-so-subtle moves of the soon-to-be Emperor and a bunch of clones.

Sorry, not much else happens.

Major spoilers ahead (if there was anything to spoil that is): 

My first thought was, "why did they change the name?". I now know. It is really too bad that Lucas decided to direct this movie, too, as if nobody else could direct people like he can. I thought he learned from the last movie that he is too out-of-date for just about everybody. He makes so many parallels from the other movies, in terms of either dialogue or events, that it just gets sickening. Doesn't he have any more good ideas? I was hoping that, in some way, he would have an original idea in this movie that made the events in the last movie make sense. But I am still waiting.

Lets not talk about acting quality, which I blame on Lucas and not the actors, each of which turn in a sub-par performance (probably because 80% of the movie was CGI and they had nobody to relate to). The dialogue between Padmé (Natalie Portman) and Anakin was enough to make me turn away from the screen in embarrassment. Most scenes were either technologically backwards (Lucas really doesn't understand where technology has taken us—we have more advanced systems for air-traffic control and security RIGHT NOW then he portrays in the movie [Editor's note: Remember, Scott, it's "a long time ago", not the future!]) or so forced as to make me wonder if any of the characters could think (they should use their brains once in a while—they wouldn't get trapped near as often in stupid situations).

The editing—or maybe I should say plot advancement?—was also below par. Characters end up in one place or another without really letting us know how they got there. The story just jumps in feet first with no real transitions (this was very apparent in the last movie also). I guess if you don't want to logically think through events, this is just fine. I suppose adding in 5 minutes of plot advancement would have detracted from all of the cool special effects.

It is too bad there just isn't much to say, except how poor it was.

I will admit, that they must have spent a lot of time and effort on sound, and new sound effects for things (explosions etc), will probably be scammed for years to come.

My small notes of discord:

  • R2-D2 can fly now—that would have helped in the later movies.
  • Jedi cannot unlock simple cuffs with the Force, but a bobby-pin can.
  • All robot parts are interchangeable.
  • Blow up everything, not just one ship, when trying to kill a dignitary.
  • Send one Jedi when ten would do.
  • Wow, a gladiator match-up. Who would have guessed, right in the middle of nowhere with no supporting industry, that millions of aliens always like watching funky creatures attack other aliens? They are all that way, dontchaknow.
  • Nobody understands tactics at all (especially when flying a ship).
  • Carry a spare light-saber you idiots.
  • Why clone a bounty-hunter when a Jedi would do?
  • What is the obsession with Naboo anyway? Why does the decision of one planet in a huge number of planets matter anyway?
  • Why is it that you have to have somebody stupid put forward an idea with the Republic? Who cares who says it, if everybody is going to agree anyway? What does Lucas think a Republic is?
  • I got free tickets, otherwise I wouldn't have gone (maybe for special effects later)

[See Scott's review of Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace]
[See Linda's review of Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones]
[See Vickie's review of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith]

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