1. Hosts James Franco + Anne Hathaway = no. I was one of the myriad skeptics 
that thought this pairing for this gig was a good idea. It just felt like two square pegs were being hammered into a round hole... and, Sunday night, the world got to see just how ill-fitting the whole mess was. For starters, Academy, perhaps you should make sure in advance that your chosen host actually wants to host. I’m looking at you, Franco, with your flat, apathetic delivery and very obvious distaste for the ceremony. At the other end of the spectrum was Hathaway, who was so inauthentic and over-the-top perky that everything coming out of her mouth sounded completely insincere and fake. It was all really uncomfortable to watch.
2. That said, the pre-taped stuff was good.
The opening sequence was quick and funny, as was the auto-tune “proof” that 2010 had been a great year for movie musicals. If only the live-to-air material had been crafted half as well, perhaps the show wouldn’t have felt completely dead.
3. Trotting out Kirk Douglas was a nice idea gone horribly awry.
Listen, I understand the reasoning behind having him participate, and maybe it would have been better to simply have him intro a clip series or something, because what began as a heartwarming gesture quickly turned into an over-long, unpleasant, unfunny appearance. Having co-host Hathaway and supporting actress winner Melissa Leo (oh, we’ll get to that big bag of crazy in a second) flirt with and fawn over 94-year-old Douglas as though he were a virile, handsome hunk was incredibly patronizing, I thought.
4. Memo to Christian Bale: you’re not Bob Hoskins.
So drop the newly adopted working-class-Brit accent, please. Anyone who’s followed your career knows you began it with a proper English accent. Then, for a few years, it vanished altogether and you spoke with an American accent. Then, around the time you stepped into Batman’s codpiece, the mild BBC accent was back. Now, suddenly, you sound like you worked in the shipyards and grew up in the East End. I’m not sure if this is to make yourself more relatable or appealing to a blue-collar audience or to make yourself seem more believable in your grittier roles, but you’re fooling no one.
5. Memo to Michelle Williams: what’s going on with your eyebrows?
Seriously.
6. Thank you, best adapted-screenplay-winner David Seidler.
I loved that a writer earned his first Oscar nomination, and then won!, in his 70s. HIS 70s! It renewed my hope that you don’t have to be an upstart young guy in your 20s to earn a statuette, and that the well-honed craft that comes more from experience than luck can be duly noted and rewarded. Congratulations!
7. And, likewise: thank you, best live-action-short winner Luke Matheny.
Your fluffy-haired exuberance was a nice reminder of just how truly exciting the night can be.
8. Not enough Annette Bening.
I knew the swoon-worthy star of The Kids Are All Right wouldn’t win the best actress category, but I still wished she’d been given a little more stage time and perhaps something more fun to do than recount awards given at a previous ceremony. (Btw, I had no idea the Thalberg Award was no longer worthy of primetime TV. Alas.)
9. Self-importance is a funny thing.
Though it cropped up a few times through the night, did you catch best cinematography winner Wally Pfister (make your own joke) and his well-fortified ego hopping up on stage with his glasses perched oh-so-lamely on his forehead? Who then actually shushed the audience and their applause because they were taking up his time?! Dude, if you’re going to stand in front of millions of people acting as though you’re not surprised and feel completely deserving AND that you somehow have something so profound to say that they should all shaddap and listen, then perhaps do a little more than rattle off a bunch of names when they do. And maybe, just maybe, display an ounce of humility and at least pretend to be grateful that anyone is applauding.
10. Melissa Leo.
A lot has already been said about the “eccentric” actress who, in the weeks leading up to the awards, just seemed to amplify her crazy
with each passing day. From frenetic talk-show appearances to the über-tacky, self-financed “consider” ads that ran in the Hollywood trades, to her endless, tiresome interview loop of “wow, I’m only 11 years older than Mark Wahlberg and I’m SO YOUNG TO BE PLAYING HIS MOTHER,” Leo went from admired to insufferable. Then she won her Oscar and ushered in a whole new level of cheese. First, the totally phony “oh gosh, oh gee, this sure is a big place and oh gosh, oh gee, look at all the people!” wide-eyed wonderment as though she'd just arrived from Podunk and had never seen a theater before, followed by the totally planned F-bomb. Yep, I said it, planned. Watch the tape: she says “so f**king easy oops” without a breath or an authentic moment of realization, as though “easyoops” were one word. And her faux-surprise at having uttered a curse word was eyerollingly unconvincing. She knew what she was doing. She knew it would garner her HUGE huge amounts of press (which it did) and, as they say, any publicity is good publicity. Then, just to end things on a high note, she swiped stroke-survivor Kirk Douglas' cane as they exited the stage. She took his cane! He's 94! He can't walk properly! Tsk.
