9-6-2004
Since today was the first day back at school for many folks, I thought
it appropriate to use this pre-fest diary entry to pass on some handy
TIFF lessons I've learned:
Lesson #1: The big, white schedule board is The Board of Lies.
At every festival venue and box office, there sits a big, white board
listing the entire fest schedule, start times, theaters and (in red)
which films are sold out. This is The Board of Lies. Do not believe
what you see. Just because a film is marked in red does NOT mean it's
sold out. In fact, there are often tickets available. Always check with
the box office. Always. Repeatedly, if it's a movie you really, really
want to see. (I did this today and snagged a ticket to the previously
very-sold-out screening of Crash.) The Board of Lies, though
seemingly helpful, may dissuade you, may deter you, may even confuse
you... so use it at your own risk.
Lesson #2: Being in a bad box doesn't always mean you're
screwed.
As I discovered last year, the ticket lottery—though wholly and
completely unfair on principle—sometimes manages to deal a decent
hand to those of us who wind up in godawful boxes. I did even worse,
box-wise, this year than I did last year, but still, through the grace
of the merciful cinematic Fates, wound up with almost all my picks
(save for three). Conversely, this morning I was in line with a
gentleman who was in a better box (four ahead of mine), but who
wound up with far fewer of his selected films. Weird.
Lesson #3: Not all TIFF volunteers are created equal.
The quality of film festival volunteers, like the quality of movies
being screened, varies wildly from venue to venue, and from person to
person. Some are fantastic—friendly, knowledgeable, savvy, efficient,
funny and super all-around. Some, though, like the clueless git I shall
heretofore refer to as Dora the Dope, should be politely told that
their "services" will no longer be required and they should haul their
sorry asses home. To illustrate: Dora, who may become this year's
Mouthy Martha, seems to think that random socializing and standing
around looking stunned qualify as "volunteering." She's worked the fest
in previous years (I know, I've experienced her ineptitude in the past)
and has, much to my horror, been promoted to a leadership position
within the volunteer community. This scares me. It's the blind leading
the blind. If you encounter a volunteer who you feel may be new,
confused, uninformed or just generally sub-par, find yourself another.
Or, better yet, get ahold of some veteran fest-goer. Chances are he or
she will know more about what's happening.or, at the very least, a
whole lot more than Dora.
