| INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL |
 2008 - USADirector: Steven Spielberg
- Reviewed by Vickie
TOP 10 LAME THINGS IN 10. The title. Bigger and longer does not mean better. Nevermind that the “kingdom” is far less kingdom-y than it is just a long-abandoned pile of rubble. 9. The crystal skull. Cheapest looking prop EVER. It looked like it was made of plastic and filled with crumpled up Saran Wrap. It was also carried around like it weighed about ¼ of a pound. I don’t know where the film’s budget went, but it clearly did not go into crafting the centerpiece item on which the entire story hinges. 8. Shia LaBeouf’s hair. WHAT was that? His hair is naturally wiry, but they shellacked it down and made it look like a bad toupée. 7. John Hurt’s character, Oz. Silly. Pointless. Kind of embarrassing. 6. People in the theater not only leaving cell phones ON, but taking calls and passing the phone BACK AND FORTH during the film. I realize this wasn’t actually a part of the movie itself, but it was definitely lame. Asshats. 5. Harrison Ford: Sexy Action Star! In a word: no. Not anymore. Sorry. It was like watching my dad grumble and bumble through the proceedings. It’s been nearly 20 years since Indy’s last outing, and every one of those years shows on Ford. 4. The freaky little parkour-loving inhabitants of the ruins where the non-kingdom exists. Are they kids? Are they aliens? Are they natives? Are they the undead? Are they naked sand people who wandered over from the Star Wars set??? 3. Cate Blanchett’s character’s comeuppance. I llllllllllaughed and laughed! 2. Karen Allen. I understand Steven Spielberg throwing her a bone and putting her in the film for sentimental reasons, but she was like a big dead weight. No spark, no chemistry, no nothing. Just bland and boring. Indy (and the audience) would have been much better served had the producers decided to give him a new love interest played by someone who’s had an acting job sometime in the past 15 years. 1. The animated gophers. They appeared like little CGI portents of cheesy doom at the outset of the movie, perhaps predicting the supreme lameness and unapologetic cash-grabbing nature of the entire production merely with their presence. [Read Linda's reviews of the Indiana Jones movies: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.] |
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