Yesterday, anyone within 5000 miles of Toronto heard the news: the Scotiabank Theatre has bed bugs!

Or, so it was anyway, until TIFF and Cineplex declared the venue bed bug-free and tried to stomp out the wildly fanned flames of panic that were rising from the moviegoing public, industry reps, incoming media and anyone who might have thought about plunking his or her bum down in a seat for a TIFF screening this year.

In case you missed it, you can read a full breakdown of the day’s events here.

As someone who’s absolutely terrified of bed bugs, I felt my heart stop. The news that a Toronto movie theatre might be infested rattled me to my core and made me break out in a panic sweat. I’ve long worried about the tiny bloodsuckers lurking in theatre seats and feeding when the lights go down, but I kept reassuring myself that, if such a thing existed in Toronto, it would surely make the news.

And then it did. OMG.

After that news was promptly squashed, though, a whole slew of naysayers piped up with smug assertions that the original Tweet was a hoax, that there are no bed bugs in theatres in Toronto, and that everyone got all worked up for nothing. Bed bugs, they seem to believe, are no big deal.

Fine. Maybe the Scotiabank Theatre doesn't have any bed bugs at all... but, thing is, bed bugs are still a very very big deal, and a very very real problem, here and elsewhere, and acting like this news story was as ludicrous as reporting sea monsters walking the red carpet at the Elgin is just ignorant. In Toronto, like it or not, believe it or not, bed bugs are spreading from private homes to public places like libraries, hospitals and restaurants. So, really, it’s just a matter of time before they crawl into the Scotiabank. Or the Yonge and Dundas AMC. Or the Varsity. If they haven't already.

If you ask me, the pre-festival bed-bug hysteria this news story caused is actually a welcome wake-up call. Not only for the film festival, which needs to ensure that a small portion of its ridiculously steep ticket prices starts going towards routine pest-control inspections, but for the cinema industry at large AND the folks lining up for the movies.

Bed bugs travel from location to location quite easily by hitching a ride on, say, that knapsack you just placed on the floor, or that jacket you unknowingly slung over the infested seat in front of you, or on your own clothes if you’re unlucky enough to land on or near one of their nests. And all it takes is ONE bed bug stowaway to start an infestation anew in another spot. Sort of makes settling in for two hours in the dark a much creepier experience these days.

Even though fest reps were quick to give the all-clear, I’m not entirely convinced it is. Would they, or Cineplex, actually admit to having bed bugs if they did? Would they really risk losing millions of dollars in revenue? Which makes you feel better: hearing a theatre has NO bed bugs, or hearing that a theatre did have them but that, “we swear!”, the problem has been treated? My money’s on the former. And I’d bet TIFF’s is, as well.

As it stands, I only had one film scheduled for the Scotiabank. And, thanks to my longtime BFF, the ticket lottery (which, once again, screwed me royally), I likely won’t get that screening, anyway. But I really can’t see myself bellying up to the Scotiabank’s bar anytime in the near future... and I’ll be hyper-alert at all the other TIFF venues, as well.