GHOULS

Isn't the main problem with the undead that they won't die?

Sometimes it seems like the line between a decent movie and a ridiculous movie is awfully thin. Ghouls could have easily gone either way, but I regret to report that it lands solidly on the ridiculous side of the fence. Through bad acting, low budget effects, and an all around lack of passion, Ghouls takes an intriguing story with plenty of potential and runs it right into the ground.

The movie kicks off with the "death" of our heroine's grandmother in Romania. Jennifer (Kristen Renton) never met the woman, but her father, Stefan (William Atherton), feels that this is the ideal time for Jen to visit the homeland and meet her extended family. Stefan's girlfriend Liz (Erin Gray) joins them in their travels, and soon they're stepping off the bus in a creepy Eastern European village. Missing children posters wallpaper the town, and it is widely accepted that the village is cursed. Well, that's odd—I wonder why Stefan and Liz neglected to mention this ahead of time.

Things get creepier still at the funeral. Even the audience can see that Jennifer's grandmother is breathing under the thin black veil that covers her, but Jennifer sidles right up to the casket. She only becomes alarmed when Grammy grabs her by the arm and stares at her with DayGlo green eyes. From this point on, things just get weirder and weirder. Jennifer begins to feel increasingly alienated from the people around her until finally it dawns on her—something's totally up!

As it turns out, Jennifer is the first female in the family line in a long time and her freaky grandmother just happens to be Queen of the Ghouls. Jennifer needs to sit still for the transfer of power, but everyone suspects (and rightly so) that she's going to be resistant to the idea. Indeed, even her father is in on the scheme. Jennifer's only hope is a dashing young ghoul-fighter named Thomas (James DeBello) who looks something like Link from The Legend of Zelda. Early in the film we find him tossing grenades and shooting at ghouls in the woods, and somehow he makes you want to pull out your Nintendo joystick and give him a hand. Outside of a video game, who would think of shooting at a ghoul? Isn't the main problem with the undead that they won't die?

Predictably, Jennifer and Thomas take on the villagers and their army of ghouls, fighting the good fight to the very end. We often find them running through empty streets (apparently extras were cost prohibitive), and a second-class diorama is used for long shots of the village. The pyrotechnics are on par with something you'd see in your cul de sac around the 4th of July, and it doesn't help that Kristen Renton's performance is so lacking in conviction that her delivery of the line, "Oh hell no!" might as well end in a question mark. Come on! You're fighting for your life against a pack of ghouls. This is something to get worked up about!

Though Ghouls ends with a twist, it still manages to fall flat, largely due to the fact that it's never really possible to immerse yourself in the movie. From beginning to end, you're constantly aware that the people onscreen are acting and that the locations they inhabit are sets. It's not the worst movie ever made, and there's certainly plenty to make fun of, but it's not what you would call compelling entertainment.