COWBOY DEL AMOR

Are you an oldish American man with no social skills looking to marry a young, vivacious Mexican woman?

Are you an oldish American man with no social skills looking to marry a young, vivacious Mexican woman? Well, Ivan Thompson is the man for you. For a mere $3,000, this Cowboy Cupid can find an adorable bride for even the most repellent man, and Cowboy Del Amor gives us a captivating glimpse into his world.

Ivan himself is a lively character with whom you could easily spend the entire documentary. He's funny, flawed, and plainspoken, but to a certain extent, he's just the messenger. It's his clients and their prospective brides who will keep you glued to the screen (making faces and gesturing in frustration) for the full 87 minutes.

First we meet Rick, looking for love because his wife of nine years began the "change of life" and became a different person. He's 48-years-old, balding, bespectacled, and possibly the dullest, most oafishly inconsiderate man in all of New Mexico. Just the thought of going on a date with him is enough to give you the dry heaves, and you can guess the kind of girl he's seeking: 20-30 years old, no children, and thin—anyone over 120 pounds need not apply. Watching him reject women based solely on the weight requirement nearly had me throwing things at the TV. If he had anything to offer in the way of looks or skills, you could accept a little superficiality, but this lump is no catch, and he has all the wit and charm of a cinder block. Imagine talking to that cinder block over dinner, cuddling with it at night, and then having it tell you to do the laundry. That's about how much fun life with Rick would be.

Horrifyingly, he meets a sweet Mexican girl who could stop traffic with her beaming smile. Her husband doesn't love her, and she's desperate to begin a new, happier life. How she could look at Rick and feel a flicker of hope is beyond me, but she moves forward with grim determination—purchasing her wedding dress and bus ticket, then saying tearful goodbyes to everyone she has known and loved. For his part, Rick manages to drag himself to the WRONG bus station to meet her. After a very long wait, he takes her home to his dull, lifeless mobile home, shows her off to his cold fish parents, and they live awkwardly ever after. Luckily, he'll probably be dead by the time this one hits menopause.

These marriages are train wrecks in the making, and it's fascinating to watch the participants meticulously follow this recipe for disaster. No one is more experienced than Ivan Thompson, whose own marriage to a Mexican woman ended in debt and divorce. Why? Because once his wife learned English, got a car, and started speaking her mind, she was no good to him. Also, the process of learning to assert herself undoubtedly triggered the change of life, don't you think? I mean, why else would a woman express an opinion or exert a little independence? Men like Ivan will never admit that there may be more to their marital woes than hormones and American excess. Though he and his clients believe they want wives, they have no interest in true partnership. They're looking for an unpaid cook, maid, and escort rolled up in an attractive, compliant package. Due to the language barrier and extreme hardship of life in parts of Mexico, the women they attract see them as respectful providers. Some have experienced unspeakable horrors, and any hope of a new life must seem promising. They don't realize they deserve to be more than second fiddle to a selfish American dolt who lives in a mobile home.

No matter how you feel about Ivan Thompson's line of work, Cowboy Del Amor is an evocative documentary that leaves you laughing, thinking, and shaking your head. My only complaint is that the film was neither letterboxed nor formatted for television, so many of the subtitles were unreadable. This, however, is a small complaint against an otherwise riveting documentary, and it put my years in Spanish class to good use.