Written by Jennifer
March 14, 2009
If you haven't already tortured yourself with this one, just file it under "no thanks."
As a rule, I can count the things I hated about the 80s on one hand. In fact, it usually doesn't even take a whole hand to do so. On any given day, only the songs "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco and "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco actively sully my favorite decade. Sadly, Top Secret! has just slid in as #3 on that list.
Top Secret is one of those odd movies that completely escaped me during the 80s. I've seen it kicking around in the intervening years, at video stores, garage sales, and libraries, and I've always been intrigued: how did I miss this movie the first time around, and is it any good? After all this time, the answer is quite simple—the movie is abysmal.
One assumes that Top Secret! is meant to be a sort of combined spoof on spy movies and Elvis movies, but the plot is so ridiculous that the film's content is irrelevant. A young Val Kilmer stars as Nick Rivers, a generic American pop star slated to perform at a festival in East Germany. Through a series of not-so-comedic events, he winds up getting captured by the East German High Command, and escaping, and falling in love with the daughter of a scientist who is being forced to construct a weapon of mass destruction. Together they must rescue him and save the free world! Or whatever. With a movie this dreary-looking, unfunny, and random it's really hard to care.
Given the fact that Top Secret! is brought to us by the same team who masterminded the silly but entertaining Airplane/Naked Gun/Hot Shots! movies, I assumed it would at least offer up a few laughs. It does not. Even the mega-talented Val Kilmer (who only gets better with age) isn't enough to save this stinker. If you haven't already tortured yourself with this one, just file it under "no thanks."
DVD NOTES
Extra features include group commentary by the film's directors and producers, four alternative scenes, storyboards, and the original theatrical trailer.
As part of the I Love the 80's collection, this edition of Top Secret comes with a bonus CD including the 80s hits "Lips Like Sugar" by Echo and the Bunnymen, "Chains of Love" by Erasure, "Need You Tonight" by INXS, and "Take On Me" by a-ha.
