OCEAN'S THIRTEEN

Has anyone else out there had it up to their eyeballs with the Ocean's boys?

Has anyone else out there had it up to their eyeballs with the Ocean's boys? I feel like I might actually throw up if I have to see George, Brad, and Matt schmoozing on one more red carpet. They've created a classic good old boy's club, and as they trade the most banal insults to one another's masculinity, I have to wonder, "Does anyone really like these guys, or do people just think they like them because they're always being crammed down our throats?" As you've probably guessed, my only interest in Ocean's Thirteen was Al Pacino, but by the time I finally got my hands on the movie, I was annoyed. From the moment it started, I realized I knew exactly what was going to happen. What really was the point in watching?

It turns out that there's really very little point at all. At the beginning of the movie, Willy Bank (Al Pacino) screws Reuben (Elliott Gould) out of his share in Bank's new casino (or something to that effect) and basically invites Reuben to drop dead. Reuben takes to his bed and looks like a goner, but the Ocean's boys are having none of it. Leaving Tess (Julia Roberts) and Isabel (Catherine Zeta Jones) at home, they band together to knock over Willy's swanky new casino.

Here we get a retread of Ocean's Eleven, minus any concern about getting caught or losing the girl, because at this point Danny Ocean (George Clooney) is pretty much unstoppable. The whole gang develops an intricate plan to infiltrate Bank's casino, but it doesn't really matter how they do it, because we all know full well that the plan is going to work. They have some crafty tricks up their sleeves, but the element of suspense is gone. We're dealing with a bunch of fat cats, and any sense of urgency present in the original has been replaced with arrogance and entitlement.

Al Pacino does a fine job with what he's given to work with, but Willy Bank is not particularly interesting or likable. Ellen Barkin plays his faithful assistant, but there's no meat to her role, and no sparks to remind us of their chemistry in Sea of Love. Andy Garcia reprises his role as Terry Benedict, but instead of working the Godfather connection (he played Michael Corleone's nephew), and teaming the two casino magnates, he's strong-armed into helping Danny's gang. Some sort of winking reference could have been made to Scott Caan's character (after all, his real life father played Sonny Corleone), but no one bothered to think that far.

If Ocean's Eleven established its cast as cool kids, and Ocean's Twelve found them reveling in their own awesomeness, Ocean's Thirteen feels somewhat like their attempt to win us over again. "Hey, we're sorry about the last movie. We got all self-absorbed and forgot you were watching. But this, this is what we're good at. See? You like us again. You knew you would." The trouble is that even as they try to win us back, no effort is put forth on the part of the writers or actors. Even Brad Pitt's character has lost his constant case of the munchies, turning him into so much wallpaper. If this good old boy's club wants to attempt another heist, I'd suggest they do it without the cameras rolling. They can have their fun and make their lame jokes while the rest of us find something more constructive to do.