CHILDSTAR

It made me long for a quality comedy like Dickie Roberts Former Child Star, and yes, I do realize what I'm saying.

I seem like the perfect demographic match for Childstar, seeing as I actually have a book called Former Child Stars in my personal library, am always up for some good gossip, and tend to have a rather dark sense of humor. A "bitingly funny" movie about a child star should be right up my alley, yet somehow this one misses its mark so badly that I couldn't bear to finish it. It made me long for a quality comedy like Dickie Roberts Former Child Star, and yes, I do realize what I'm saying.

Aside from not being funny, Childstar has one of the most unpleasant casts around. The child star himself, Mark Rendall, has popped up in two other movies I recently watched —Open House and Revelations, and he did his best to stink those up as well. He emanates anger and bitterness, and the look in his eyes is so heartless, so mean, that you can easily imagine him filling his free time with the torture of small animals. I realize he's just a kid, but geez, maybe he needs some therapy. Needless to say, he does not make a sympathetic protagonist as Taylor Brandon Burns.

Jennifer Jason Leigh plays Taylor's apathetic mother, blatantly living off her son's income, and demonstrating little parental interest. Pretty soon she's sleeping with Taylor's new chauffeur/tutor (Don McKellar). She can't be bothered to stay with her son on the set, so she casually appoints the driver/tutor as Taylor's legal guardian. There is potential for this to be amusing, but the tone of the film is rather stiff, and Jason Leigh does nothing to pep it up. She gives one of her usual half-dead performances, barely even bothering to open her mouth to speak. I'd like to make a joke about her never getting off the drugs from Rush, but her sickly, catatonic style goes way back to Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Don McKellar is likable enough in his own film, but it's not exactly like watching an A-lister take the screen. Alan Thicke, Gil Bellows, Dave Foley, and Eric Stoltz also have minor roles, but are wasted in a movie full of flat jokes and trite scenarios. This leaves us with unappealing people in an exceedingly tiresome and predictable situation.

Yes, it's weird that child actors wind up trying to function in an adult world. The power dynamics are all off kilter, and you wind up with kids upstaging the adults, throwing their weight around, and looking for guidance all at the same time. Of course twelve-year-olds should not be concerned that they haven't scored as many chicks as a thirty-five year old. We get it—the whole situation is dysfunctional and kind of funny, but sadly, this movie is not.

Had they taken the route of Dickie Roberts, or portrayed the kid like Jason Hervey's over-the-top child actor in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, there would be a playfulness to the film, a sense of affectionate spoofing. Instead we're left with a major stick in the mud, that, oddly enough, was inspired by a conversation with sweet little Haley Joel Osment. Seems Mr. McKellar was struck by such social maturity packaged in an immature body. Nice of him to do his part in screwing up that child star.

DVD NOTES

The DVD includes a "Making Of" Childstar Documentary, commentary with writer/director/actor Don McKellar, and the theatrical trailer. If anyone liked this movie, I'm sure they'll be enjoy the extra features. Did I watch them? Surely you jest.