Written by Linda
October 11, 2008
Those of us of a certain generation remember the animated adaptation of Charlotte's Web from 1973. Then later, it was adapted again in 1995, and was nominated for an Oscar. No... wait. My mistake. That was BABE! So, now Charlotte's Web finally comes to the big screen with a mix of live action and CGI-animation, backed up by a who's who of lovable personality voices (Oprah! Julia! John Cleese! Kathy Bates!) and starring the ubiquitous humanoid child Dakota Fanning.
Dakota plays Fern, a girl who intercepts her father going out to the barn to kill the runt of the pig litter with an ax. Fern throws a fit, as though this is the first time she has ever been faced with death as part of life on the farm. Dad (Kevin Anderson) awkwardly explains that the runt will not survive with the rest of the bigger piggies, and Fern awkwardly comes to the runt's defense, grabbing him from the pile of wriggling pink sausages. I say "awkwardly" because both actors speak and act like they are trying out for amateur theatre, like they are both waiting for instruction from the director on how to make this weirdy unmoving scene more interesting. Seemingly later that day, Fern is bathing now-dubbed Wilbur in the sink, and Dad says the pig is getting too big and can't stay in the house anymore. Wilbur goes to Uncle's farm across the way, and finally starts talking as soon as the people have left the building.
In the barn, Wilbur meets all sorts of assorted characters—sheep, cows, geese, a horse, a rat—all voiced by famous actors, but becomes most transfixed by the least popular critter in the barn: the spider named Charlotte. Charlotte's Web, like Babe, is filmed in such a way that it is basically live-action with animated animal lips for the talking. But as it would be probably be tricky to train a spider to act, Charlotte is entirely animated, allowing for the artists to provide a little alteration to try to make a realistic spider look, um, friendly. That said, Charlotte has about twenty eyes and a big split lip that opens like chopsticks when she speaks (with the voice of Julia Roberts, to boot). It all made me very uncomfortable. To me, Charlotte was tolerable at a great distance, but gave me the creeps in the close-ups, despite the kind of cool montages of her creating her fantastical webs.
Wilbur slowly realizes that since he is a Spring pig, he is meant for Winter eatin', so all the barnyard animals, led by Charlotte, work together to make Wilbur seem exceptional ("Some pig!") to the humans. By now, Fern has mostly wandered away from the story, making eyes at a local boy from her class and running off with him at the county fair. No worries, Wilbur, because Charlotte is now looking out for you, pig. As Charlotte spins words about Wilbur into her webs, the peeps get distracted from the idea of pork for dinner when the press arrive to take pictures of the spider-art. As the cameras flash, the journalists completely ignore the fact that a full-grown pig does a freakin' backflip in front of them (huh?!?). Wilbur's fate is changed, and Charlotte prepares for the arrival of billions of baby spiders. And not to spoil the ending, but if you know the story, you know it becomes both a tear-jerker and life-affirming. At least on paper.
This version of Charlotte's Web fell flat for me, only making me realize, scene-after-scene, how great of a movie the similar-themed Babe is. In Charlotte's Web, none of the human actors stand out or make any impression (where's Farmer Hoggett when you need him?), and the only critters that made me laugh were John Cleese's pompous and dumb sheep, and the corn-obsessed crows (André Benjamin and Thomas Hayden Church), who cracked me up every time they opened their beaks. Everyone else just seemed a pale imitation of the animals in that other pig movie. With so many great kid-movies rolling into theaters the last few years, it's a cryin' shame that an adaptation of the beloved Charlotte's Web is the one that they had to screw up.
