MALONE

When you're a young Cynthia Gibb living in an isolated mountain town that's slowly being overtaken by a psycho megalomaniac, probably the best thing that could ever happen is for Burt Reynolds and his wig to have car trouble.  And it's extra awesome because maybe your dad owns the only service station in town and it'll take awhile to get parts, so Burt Reynolds and his wig have to stay at your house.  And maybe he used to be in the CIA and you think he's kind of cute, which pretty much makes Malone the best movie of all time.

Indeed, Malone is pretty darn awesome.  Its simple minded over-the-topness makes this movie a winner from the very first scene, and its plot is so deliciously far fetched that you can't help being entertained.  Much like Pale Rider (and various other movies that pair aging but morally sound actors with adoring young women who would like to tear their clothes off), Malone plays off Burt Reynolds' sexy tough guy status while acknowledging that age is definitely now a factor.  It's never lost on us that Malone is a retired CIA operative, but like Danny Glover's character in Lethal Weapon, it's clear that he's not really too old for this shit, no matter how many times he tells you he is.  This is a truly genius tactic, as it leaves us pleased to see our old pal Burt starring in a manly movie, but makes us more forgiving of the fact that his awful wig totally deserves second billing.

Similarly awful is Cliff Robertson's pantywaist portrayal of Charles Delaney, the evil mastermind who is systematically dismantling the town, leaving residents cowering in fear and submitting to his every whim.  He's roughly as badass as Richard Crenna in the Rambo movies, which then makes it extra satisfying when Malone finally takes him down.  Lauren Hutton is equally awkward as Malone's love interest, making the whole film a somewhat derivative fiasco.  Thing is, you may recognize all the ways in which this movie is bad, but that doesn't stop it from being good.