THE AMBULANCE

It's not his fault that he never knew her last name!  And it's not his fault that he only knew her for five minutes!

Sometimes you see a girl named Cheryl (Janine Turner) walking down the streets of New York City, and she's so stunning, so alluring that you just have to pick her up.  And if she doesn't respond to your charm and your wiles, you just have to amp it up a notch until she starts making up excuses about not wanting to date anyone and having a doctor's appointment.  By the time she faints on the sidewalk, you should be thinking that this girl is ready to do anything to get rid of you.  OR, if you're Josh Baker (Eric Roberts) in The Ambulance, you can spend the rest of the day pining after her, search local hospitals for her after work, and then conclude that the ambulance that took her away was up to no good.

Indeed, Josh is so smitten with Cheryl that he promptly takes his case to the police.  Understandably, Lt. Spencer (James Earl Jones) and his sassy sidekick Sandra (Megan Malloy) roll their eyes at him, but Josh is convinced that something is amiss.  That ambulance looked about as legit as the one driven by The Ghostbusters, and it makes no sense that Cheryl never checked into a hospital.  It's not his fault that he never knew her last name!  And it's not his fault that he only knew her for five minutes!  He needs to get to the bottom of this, and Cheryl probably needs his help.

Back at work, Josh is just about useless.  Every woman he draws looks like Cheryl, and this can be problematic if you're a cartoonist for Marvel.  Even Stan Lee (yes, the real Stan Lee) sees that Josh is no good to him like this, and so he may as well just give himself over to this crazy search of his.

As it turns out, Josh is totally right about The Ambulance (driven by an exceedingly yet hilariously sinister Eric Braeden), and if he somehow manages to survive being poisoned, blown up, shot at, and run over, Cheryl will be spared a fate of medical experimentation and certain death.  Though the outcome is not what he expects, there is a payoff for Josh's involvement in this whole crazy mess.  The movie itself is a bit frenetic and off the rails, but Josh's energy and determination propel the plot forward and the random twists and turns make for an action-packed adventure.  As long as things keep moving, who are we to complain that the whole thing makes very little sense?