HOW DO YOU KNOW

This movie would have been better without Jack Nicholson in it. It still wouldn’t have been great, but removing him from the equation would have reduced its needless-blowhard quotient significantly.

For his part, Nicholson sticks out like a loud, obnoxious sore thumb in what would otherwise be a pleasant, if entirely benign and forgettable, romantic-comedy-drama from director James L. Brooks (As Good As It Gets, Terms of Endearment).

Lisa (Reese Witherspoon) is a pro-softball player at a career crossroads, Matty (Owen Wilson) is a pro-baseball player with an unapologetic womanizer streak, and George (Paul Rudd) is some sort of financial-type guy who’s (innocent but) embroiled in some kind of vague business-world scandal that may or may not have been caused by his corporate-honcho father (Nicholson). Mix them all together and you have a love triangle with, as mentioned previously, a completely pointless fourth angle that could have been left out entirely at no cost to the rest of the film.

Lisa falls for Matty, sort of, but is struggling with how the rest of her life might play out if she’s no longer a star athlete. Matty falls for Lisa, sort of, but isn’t sure he’s ready to give up bedding his bevy of female fans in order to commit to one woman. And George, who’s something of a nervous wreck as his world crumbles around him, falls for Lisa, hard, but is stuck in the Friend Zone as she tries to build a relationship with Matty.

George’s dad, meanwhile, pops up occasionally with lots of sturm und drang to bellow and snort and stomp around in what I can best describe as a sub-par impression of Lewis Black. (In case it’s not clear: I did not care for him in this movie.)

Brooks tries to craft a semi-existential film that’s packed with a ton of self-help-isms – some literally stuck to Lisa’s bathroom mirror – about how to live one’s best life. Unfortunately, none of it is particularly engaging or interesting, with characters who lack spark and chemistry, and a plot that just kind of meanders along a fairly straightforward road. There’s a decided lack of believable romance in this rom-com, with a vibe that’s more clinical than it is warm, and there isn’t really anything memorable or noteworthy in its overall story, with nary a single defining scene that might resonate with viewers. The only one that comes close – a profession of love in a hospital room – revolves around supporting players, with the film’s leads watching instead of being the key participants.

It’s hard to suspend one’s disbelief enough to buy Witherspoon as an Olympic-grade softballer, and even harder to swallow that her no-nonsense Lisa would be interested in Wilson’s dim-witted ladies’ man. Rudd fares better but, then again, he’s simply delivering a trademark Paul Rudd performance as a lovable, neurotic Average Joe – a well-made and oft-used suit worn by the talented actor. These three characters might have fared better had they been a completely different movie.

As it stands, they’re stuck in How Do You Know, a tepid offering that ultimately fails to knock one out of the park.