HITCH

In this mucky, grey season of studios releasing their leftover (read: supremely crappy or completely inconsequential) movies, Hitch makes for a refreshing, if not entirely fantastic, cinematic offering.

Released at any other time during the year, it might tank. But now, when filmgoers are left to choose between things like Boogeyman and The Wedding Date, it actually comes off as cute and charming. A bit sloppy, but cute and charming.

Kind of like Albert Brenneman (Kevin James), the adorably insecure and nervous accountant who’s smitten with model Allegra Cole (Amber Valetta). Albert, like dozens and dozens (if not hundreds) of New York City men before him, decides to enlist the aid of The Date Doctor – a mysterious relationship expert who remains anonymous and works on a referral-only basis like some Cupid-inspired superhero. The Date Doctor is Alex “Hitch” Hitchens (Will Smith), a reformed nerd who vowed to do right by women and help other men do the same after being unceremoniously dumped in college. Hitch – who talks to the camera in the same way Jude Law did in Alfie -- has countless tips and pointers that he shares throughout the film, as he gently (or not-so-gently) guides Albert towards romantic fulfillment. Along the way, Hitch finds himself falling for a gossip columnist (Eva Mendes), who just happens to be working on a story that will (she hopes) uncover the identity of…you guessed it, The Date Doctor!

Directed by Andy Tennant (Sweet Home Alabama), the film has many things working in its favor. Will Smith has pretty much veered away from comedy on the big screen, but his supremely fun good-guy performance here is a reminder that he might want to revisit lighter fare from time to time. He sells it. Even better, though, is Kevin James. In my opinion, he’s the best thing in the entire movie. His Albert is wonderfully sweet and goofy, and awkwardly bumbling in an entirely real way that makes him relatable. The strength of both actors makes their buddy pairing shine and the film, as a whole, is kind of sweet and inoffensive. There is almost nary a potty word to be heard!

But Hitch the movie is a little more scattered than Hitch the character. There are several tangential sequences that slow down the proceedings and/or create needless complication. This is especially true in the film’s final 20 minutes or so, when a fairly simple and painless resolution is scrapped in favor of dragging things out. The movie clocks in at just about two hours, so a little trimming wouldn’t have hurt matters at all. Eva Mendes’ character also seems to flip-flop towards the end, going from apologetic to aloof in what seems like a matter of minutes, in a way that suggests the filmmakers just wanted to throw one last wrench into the works.

That said, Hitch is entertaining and it does generate plenty of laughs**. People left the theater smiling and, as the February blahs set in, that’s more than enough reason to check this one out.

** I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the two CHARMING men who sat next to me at the screening. I’m not sure what I enjoyed most about being next to you in the dark for two hours: the stinky snacks you were eating? the fact that you kept wiping your hands on your pants? your incessant TALKING all the way through the film, punctuated by lusty catcalling every time Eva Mendes showed her ass? your inability to follow simple personal-space rules, dictated by things like seat armrests? your deconstruction of each onscreen kiss (“Omigod, man, did he use his tongue?!? She used her tongue, man!!”)? your deafening clapping and STOMPING of your feet each time something remotely funny happened in the story? It’s a tough call, but I’m going to have to go with the irony of the entire situation, as you two neanderthals howled at the guys onscreen, completely unaware of your own supremely oafish behavior. Thanks again.