G-FORCE

When you walk into a movie about talking guinea pigs, who work as secret agents for the government, certain things are to be expected: it’s probably going to be silly, it’s probably going to be very high-concept and it’s probably going to be much more fun for a six-year-old than it will be for an adult.

All of those things hold true for this 3-D adventure-comedy from producer Jerry Bruckheimer, which blends live-action and CGI for a somewhat mediocre offering about the titular team of rodents.

Under the guidance of kindly tech-expert Ben (Zach Galifianakis) and his narratively pointless underling (Kelli Garner – seriously, why is she here?), guinea pigs Darwin (voiced by Sam Rockwell), Blaster (voiced by Tracy Morgan) and Juarez (voiced by Penélope Cruz), along with a congested star-nosed mole named Speckles (voiced by Nicolas Cage) and a hyper-outfitted surveillance fly, make up a quintet of highly efficient covert operatives. Thing is, despite the group’s ability to go where no human can go, the government isn’t keen on funding Ben’s high-tech program, so it’s up to the G-Force team to prove their worth.

Conveniently, they get that chance when an electronics magnate named Saber (Bill Nighy, who’s sorely underused here) plans to launch a global initiative that, via a microchip, would allow communication between every electrical appliance on the planet. (Anyone who’s ever seen The Matrix or The Terminator knows no good can come from an idea like this.)

Picking up some allies along the way – including a neurotic hamster (voiced by Steve Buscemi) and a fluffy, oafish pet-store cavie (voiced by Jon Favreau) – G-Force attempts to thwart the maniacal machines, and plenty of chase sequences and special effects ensue.

Problem is, there isn’t much else into which the audience can sink its collective teeth. Sure, cute little animals in spy gear, spouting some lame one-liners and puns between the action, might be enough to satiate a young child, but anyone over 10 will likely be bored by the rather thin plot. Admittedly, kids’ flicks need simple stories so that the pint-sized crowd can follow what’s happening onscreen, but this feels overly simplified and lacking in originality. When you have beautiful and brilliant kids’ movies like Up out there, it’s hard to give lacklustre storytelling and dumbed-down filmmaking a pass.

While the CGI and 3-D aspects of the film are impressive to some extent, the latter also felt unnecessary. Why is this movie in 3-D? Does it enhance the story? For me, the answer was “not really.” I understand the need for gimmicks, but this movie would have worked just as well without the distracting 3-D elements and the cumbersome glasses the audience has to wear.

As for the human contingent onscreen, actors like Nighy and Will Arnett, who co-stars as an is-he-a-good-guy-or-a-villain agent, seem wasted here, clocking in very little screen time. And the joy I felt at seeing Reno 911’s Niecy Nash show up as a pet-store employee was quickly dashed when she vanished after about two lines of dialogue. With talent like that, not to mention the A-list voice cast, I kind of expected more.

For all its flaws, though, G-Force will no doubt still be a huge hit with young kids. It’s flashy, it’s colorful, it’s action-packed and it’s easy to follow. Keep your expectations low and you should be fine.

DVD & BLU-RAY NOTES

Disney has released G-Force in one of those 3-fer packs containing a DVD, Blu-Ray, and Digital copy of the film, and alas, none of them are 3-D. There are bloopers (thankfully, only of the human actors), deleted scenes (including a surprisingly scary image of a waffle-maker suddenly baring hundreds of pointy teeth), some music videos and "Blaster's Boot Camp". Most interesting is "G-Force Mastermind" which introduces director Hoyt Yeatman and his 12-year-old son Hoyt IV, who gets credit for the story idea – cool! – and for voicing two of the mice in the pet store! The Blu-Ray includes some additional extras about animation, as well as a "Cine-Explore" featurette.