FALLING IN LOVE

There is no point to Falling in Love.

One would think that two of our most respected living actors could work wonders together, but Falling in Love is bland, passionless, and boring. Frank (Robert DeNiro) and Molly (Meryl Streep) are both tolerably married when they meet by chance while Christmas shopping. They accidentally mix up their packages, and then, in what can only be Fate, they meet again on a train. Then they start hanging out together...and eating lunch... and "falling in love". I wish I could say that a torrid, heart-wrenching affair follows, but alas, it's all rather ho-hum.

First of all, there's no reason for them to be together. At all. Neither of their marriages is especially bad—Molly's husband is duller than dirt, and they have baby issues, but things are okay. Frank's wife is played by Jane Kaczmarek, and even if her eyes are a little crossed, that's no reason to dump her. They have two sons who seem cute enough, but Frank gives the impression that he wishes they'd never been born. Admittedly, at ages four and six, they are really not very detail oriented. The case for the affair between Molly and Frank amounts to boredom and a couple of kids who are careless with stickers. Their relationship never feels like anything more than what it is—a forced connection between two random strangers.

Meryl gives one of her typically flustered, clucking, indecisive performances (What will I wear today?! It's all such a mystery!) and Robert does his signature frowny-faced uncommunicative thing. There are no visible sparks between them. Neither one is particularly interesting or funny, and they don't have very good rapport. In fact, no one in this movie has any rapport. Most of the exchanges consist of banal lines delivered with no inflection—"Are you hungry? I am if you are." Even at it's dullest, real life is way more interesting that this.

After what seems like forever, Molly and Frank finally decide to pay a visit to Harvey Keitel's unoccupied apartment. This is the steamy part, right? Nope. This is where the "kiss" that David Gest gave Liza Minnelli on their wedding day was born. There is no passion, nothing to make you want these people to be together, just the impression that Frank is an overbearing lover who wants to suck Molly's face right off.

Eventually the spouses find out, and the lovebirds (who never get beyond the chew-kissing) are kept apart. Frank decides to take a job in Texas, but tries to see Molly one last time. At the last minute, she makes a mad dash to his house—late at night, during a storm, driving way too fast, with a train coming. Now this got my attention. I sat up straighter, and thought, she's going to get hit by the train! The thing that brought them together is going to kill her! It will be poignant and tragic, and finally there will be some point to this whole thing! But then, the train passes, and it all becomes clear. There is no point to Falling in Love.