THE GETAWAY

The Getaway is an action-packed film about the cutest kitten in the whole wide world.

The Getaway is an action-packed film about the cutest kitten in the whole wide world. The kitten, known as Kitty, is small, grey, and mind-bogglingly adorable. He lives in some sort of shelter/veterinary office, and his adventure begins when Rudy (Michael Madsen) shows up waving a gun, and forces the vet to tend to his bullet wounds. As he makes demands from the examining table, Kitty sits on his chest and watches him talk. After awhile Kitty gets sleepy, and cuddles up in the nook under Rudy's chin. Rudy's a tough guy, but even he can see that Kitty's about as cute as they come, and so is the vet's wife (Jennifer Tilly).

He drags them along for the rest of his escapades, and we get to watch Kitty do more really cute things like crawl along the seat of the car with his little tail sticking straight up. When Rudy finds the vet hanging in the bathroom, he hooks Kitty on the dead man's chest while he uses the toilet. Sweet Kitty just climbs down and goes on his merry way. He's utterly unflappable and relentlessly cute, and he really should be commended for enduring some rather rough handling by Rudy.

The fact that Kitty was not awarded an honorary "Best Supporting Cat" Oscar is an outrage. Frankly, I think we should protest, even though the oversight took place a good dozen years ago. This from a dog person with an actual cat phobia. I'm telling you, Kitty is cute, and the rest of the cast can only try to keep up.

A surprising amount of Kitty's movie is devoted to the exploits of Doc and Carol (Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger). There are jail breaks, robberies, chases, and at one point in the unrated version we practically watch Kim and Alec do it. Though sinfully attractive, they have freakishly little chemistry together, and it's hard to invest yourself in their fate. Perhaps this is the very trouble they faced in real life. In fact, as you watch two of the most beautiful people on God's green earth tumble out of a garbage truck, you'd think you were watching the low point in their relationship. Who knew things could get so ugly between such pretty people?

You're probably wondering how all of this relates to Kitty, and why are Doc and Carol the main characters in Kitty's movie, anyway? Good questions indeed. Doc, Carol, and Rudy used to team up for robberies and jail breaks, but the relationship sours when a deal goes bad and lands Doc in a Mexican jail. Carol then has to shag the always sleazy James Woods in order to get him out. This not only creates jealousy and conflict within their marriage, it deepens the feelings of betrayal toward Rudy.

When Doc gets out of jail, he shoots Rudy after their first robbery. Since this is a movie, Doc doesn't check to make sure Rudy is dead, and this is when Rudy stumbles into the vet's office and Kitty's life. This is also when Rudy starts chasing Doc and Carol for his cut of the deal. I have yet to begin a life of crime, but if I ever start one, I fully plan to make sure my enemies are dead when I shoot them. I hardly want them picking up cute girls and kittens and coming back to haunt me.

Though lacking depth, The Getaway offers enough action to keep the viewer engaged, and boasts a thoroughly likable cast (with the exception of David Morse who is no more than a lump in every movie he makes—how does this guy get jobs?) Michael Madsen is always a first rate bad guy, and there is no one more brilliant at playing a sexy half-wit than Jennifer Tilly. I'm of the impression that as ditzy as she seems, Jennifer is secretly a genius, and would be 100% nonstop fun to hang out with.

A young Philip Hoffman (better known as an Oscar winner with the middle name Seymour) mixes things up before taking a few bullets, and the film ends with an appearance from Richard Farnsworth, arguably the gentlest soul ever to grace the silver screen. I've adored him since he played Matthew in Anne of Green Gables, and I just want to cry my eyes out every time I see him. If he and Kitty had had a scene together, they probably would have stopped my heart.

I wish I could recommend The Getaway wholeheartedly, but alas, it leaves many questions unanswered about Kitty. Why do we not meet him until the middle of the film? What becomes of Kitty in the end? Does he find a happy home? Does he find true love? Do people stop handling him by the scruff of his neck? With so many loose ends, it's impossible to give The Getaway an unqualified endorsement.