COMMANDMENTS

his is the sentient man's antidote to The Ten.

It just so happened that I ran across Commandments while The Ten waited to be reviewed on my floor. I had turned it off in disgust after twenty minutes, but it taunted me for weeks, "Ha-ha!" it seemed to say, "You'll have to reckon with me eventually!" And in a feeble act of defiance, I said, "Ha-ha! I found another movie about The Ten Commandments to watch instead, and it's got better people in it, and it's going to be a thousand times better than you!" And even though I did have to face down The Ten in the end, it pleases me to report that I was right about Commandments.

After a series of personal tragedies, Seth (Aidan Quinn) decides that he's enduring the wrath of God. How else can he explain the bizarre string of bad luck that's befallen him, killing his wife, destroying his house, and maiming his dog? At wits' end, he threatens to kill himself, but even that is botched by an act of God. He's taken in by his sympathetic sister-in-law, Rachel (Courteney Cox), and her not-so-sympathetic husband, Harry (Anthony LaPaglia). With nothing left to lose, he decides to demand an answer from God. What better way to get His attention than by systematically breaking all ten Commandments?

As Seth prepares to make a point to the Almighty, he begins to realize that Rachel's husband is a shady adulterer who defies the Commandments on a daily (if not hourly) basis. As his feelings for Rachel deepen, he starts using his Commandment-breaking plan to undermine Harry. What might have been a meaningless string of immoral acts becomes a pointed attack on a truly crappy person. Eventually Harry gets just what he deserves and Rachel is liberated from her unhappy marriage. But will she and Seth live happily ever after? Will their combined good looks produce the most beautiful blue-eyed love child ever seen? Convinced that nothing will work out if God has anything to say about it, Seth sets out to face the final Commandment, "Thou shalt not kill."

What follows is an implausible twist of Biblical proportions, reminiscent of Pinocchio's run-in with the whale, or, you know, that guy Jonah. As far-fetched as the story may be, it succeeds both as a dark comedy and a romance thanks to the film's cast. Aidan Quinn is excellent as this smart, tortured hottie, Anthony LaPaglia is spot-on as an amoral scuzzbucket, and Courteney Cox is at her best when she's working with black humor. On the topic of Commandments, this is the sentient man's antidote to The Ten. I even had a little tear in my eye at the end.