Written by Jennifer
March 22, 2009
Well, here's one more reason not to have kids: some of them get possessed by the devil.
Well, here's one more reason not to have kids: some of them get possessed by the devil. I mean, how crummy would it be if you were just chugging along in your happy life, thinking you were so normal with your little house and your nice family, when one day your kid is just a swearing, vomiting, furniture-moving monster? Who wants to deal with the embarrassment of calling an exorcist? Alas, the poor family in Possessed must do just that.
Carrot-topped Jonathan Malen (from Prancer Returns!) plays Robbie, a seemingly average boy who just likes to hang out with his aunt (Piper Laurie) and play with his ventriloquist's dummy. He and the aunt spend a lot of time in the basement fiddling with a Ouija board, which weirdly spells out "from hell" when Robbie touches it. This cannot be a good sign.
When the kids at school call his auntie a Nazi spy, Robbie whips around and screams, "She was not a spy!" The next thing you know, desks are zooming around the room, smashing into people, and Robbie's in a whole heap of trouble. Things worsen when he goes home, pulls the same trick, and proceeds to swear up a storm.
His loving mother and creepy father call in the priests, and one of them is so fascinated that he takes Robbie home with him for observation. This is not a very good idea. Suffice to say, things end badly for the priest, and they have to call in the big guns: Father Bowdern (Timothy Dalton) and Father McBride (Henry Czerny).
I don't know why we don't see more of Timothy Dalton. He's a fine actor and he still looks great. In fact, I always thought he was the foxiest James Bond... Not that I've ever watched a James Bond movie, but superficially speaking, I think he's the best. As Father Bowdern, Timothy struggles with all sorts of flashbacks and post-traumatic stress from his time in WWII. He feels that something evil has targeted him, and when he and Robbie come together, it appears that he was right.
Realizing Robbie will need an exorcism (or four), the fathers pay a visit to the archbishop, played by none other than Christopher Plummer. He's practically reprising his role from The Thorn Birds! And Piper Laurie was in that movie too! The archbishop is hesitant to buy into something so archaic as a demonic possession, but he deems the exorcism necessary, and officially names Father Bowdern the exorcist. Perhaps the nicest part about Possessed is that all the good guys have twinkly blue eyes.
The movie progresses with more exorcising, but of course things work out all right. Possessed is based on the true story that inspired The Exorcist, so I suppose it wasn't very nice of me to laugh so hard at Robbie's swearing fits. The movie offers the right blend of good acting and so-bad-it's-good camp, and is far more entertaining than I expected.
