SHREK THE THIRD

"But how did you receive the wedgies when you are clearly not a wearer of the underpants?"

You know how when you're young and single, your relationships with your friends are your main priority? You exchange witty banter, go on adventures, rescue a princess... maybe make some waffles and share some manly time. Then you both get married, and things are still okay, but sort of less awesome. You're both settling in to a more domestic routine, and appropriately, the focus shifts from friends to spouses. By the time one of you has kids, the fun is pretty much over. Such is the case with Shrek the Third.

At this point in the saga, Shrek (Mike Myers) and Fiona (Cameron Diaz) are acting as king and queen on behalf of Fiona's parents. Shrek is particularly clumsy in his new role, and longs to return to the quiet and solitude of the swamp. Meanwhile, Fiona is watching Donkey and Dragon's little dronkeys with growing envy. She's beginning to think it's time she and Shrek started a family, but Shrek isn't so sure. From the get-go, you can see that the movie is tackling the issues kids care about. What five year old doesn't want to watch a married couple stand around wringing their hands about whether or not to have a baby? The only thing better would be a good old-fashioned bout with infertility!

From his death bed, Fiona's father informs Shrek that he's next in line for the throne -UNLESS he wants to track down a certain Prince Arthur (Justin Timberlake). Naturally, Shrek enlists Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) to help find this young whippersnapper and prepares to set sail. At the last minute, Fiona announces that she's pregnant, and Shrek spends the rest of the movie wondering what kind of father he'll be. Yay! What a compelling question!

The search for Arthur leads our heroes to one of the most hellish places on earth: high school. They all shudder at the memory of the experience, and Donkey says that just thinking about all those swirlies and wedgies is making him nauseous. In what must be the funniest line in the entire movie, Puss in Boots inquires, "But how did you receive the wedgies when you are clearly not a wearer of the underpants?" Yes! This is the kind of dialogue that makes the Shrek movies so brilliant! If only there were more where this came from.

As the boys head back to Far Far Away with Arthur in tow, they run into a crazy old magician who manages to switch the bodies of Donkey and Puss in Boots. Aw, man! There's nothing funnier than listening to that smarmy accent come out of that cat, and hearing Donkey's voice in its place ruins all the fun (for me, anyway). Shrek tries to get "down" with Arthur, who whiningly resists the idea of being king, and their return journey labors on rather uneventfully.

In Shrek's absence, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) attempts to overthrow the kingdom and throws Princess Fiona, her mother, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Rapunzel in prison. This is a rather weak development that leaves little room for surprises. Will Shrek and Co. save the day? Well, yeah. Will he come to love his little Shreklings and embrace fatherhood? Yes, that too. Will there be a cool musical number as the credits roll? Not so much.

There's a reason fairy tales end with Happily Ever After, and it has a lot to do with the fact that Happily Ever After is a bore for the rest of us. Shrek the Third is messy and lackluster in all the ways the first two are linear and fresh. It lacks the clever details that stand up to repeated viewing, and the storyline is generally flat. One of the best things about the Shrek movies is that they're so smartly written that they appeal equally to children and adults. I'm not sure #3 will hit the mark with either.

DVD NOTES

Extra features include an elaborate talking yearbook from Worcestershire Academy, some "Big Green Goofs" which turn out to be actual glitches in computer animation, "Lost Scenes" in their storyboard format (VERY funny to the room full of animators discussing them), and a "Donkey Dance", which basically finds Donkey mixing it up to his own version of Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance". "Meet the Cast" and "The Tech Of Shrek" give us a look behind the scenes, and in "Shrek's Guide to Parenthood", Donkey, Puss in Boots, Pinocchio, and Gingie offer up their best childcare tips. The "DreamWorks Animation Jukebox" lets is revisit cooler songs from better movies, and kids will undoubtedly enjoy the DVD-ROM Shrektivities. Sadly, I walked away from the whole thing feeling like it wasn't done yet—as though the whole production had been hurried along at the expense of quality. Sigh.